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I think today is one of the hardest day of my life.

In an hour I will leave "our" home for the last time and will go to airport to start my escape from him, his country and our marriage. I am a mess atm, my eyes hurt, my head hurts and even my gums are hurting, probably I grinded my teeth while I was trying to sleep.

Last two days were especially hard as there is a civil resistance in Turkey and my own niece is part of of the protesters. She is like a daughter to me and all I can is to expect her to make a tweet or status update so I will know she is ok, the updates are all about exploding bombs, people are dying in front of her and she also thinks she will die cos the police brutally killing all demonstrators. She is a medical student and trying to save lives when her life is in danger, just 19 year old girl and I can't stop crying.

My soon to be ex H knew how bad I was, first day I begged him to come home as I am alone in this country. When he came I found out he was wearing different clothes, and he was proudly showing me that he went shopping! Even asked me if I liked his new boarding shorts! Mind that I was in tears and couldn't breath cos that moment my niece were again disappeared. He went and bought some burgers for us, first ofcourse asked me if I can cook and when I give an evil eye to him he went to get dinners. After dinner asked me to join him in bed, when I say no he slept! Such warmth eh?

Yesterday was same, I was worried like crazy, trying to call people I know in Turkey and get a news from my niece. He came and brought food again (btw its a miracle he thought of that much) and then took me out to change my mood. I accepted as I also wanted to spend some good time with him maybe for the very last time, again he started a fight while we walk, cos ofcourse he had to make everything about himself and my focus is now on my niece. He said the day before he went to see a colleague of his and they smoked marijuana together, and looked directly to my eyes waiting my explosion. I hate drugs wholeheartedly and my condition was him never smoke when I live here. This is his second time doing it and telling me, prolly he did before but kept as a secret.

Anyways, we came home and I slept in his bed. I wanted to hug him one last time, pathetic I know but I loved this man so much and this morning when he walked out of door as if it's a normal day it broke my heart again. I am feeling so down right now and walking out of this r/s is the right thing but damn hard.

Just wanted to share, I wrote a tiny note to him saying that I am leaving. Reckless I know because if anything happens and he comes home earlier than planned maybe he may catch me but I just couldnt leave without saying anything.

Long post but I needed to take this burden off from me. Please wish me luck

All the very best of luck to you! 

Thinking of you, and wishing you safe travels. 

Simona,

Strength to you! I know it is a hard thing you are doing, but trust me you will feel proud of yourself in time!

Prayers for your niece, happy and safe trip. Take good care of yourself!

All the best to you.  Let the healing begin

You are really brave.

What a huge step.

Good luck, Simona ~ 

Dear Simona; I have been praying for you tonight and for your niece, from America, to have a safe return home. Please return here, to let us know how you are. If you must weep, weep not for him, but weep for your niece, and others in danger, who is sacrificing her own life, to help others. And always remember to be thankful to God/Allah, to your family for helping you escape, and also, for not having a child born into a life of sorrow with this mentally ill, selfish, and cruel, man. He may try to contact you from time to time, offering you more lies, tears, and anger, but he will forget you. Do not give him your new address, and find a lawyer as soon as you can. Do not talk to him except through your family or lawyer. This was a phoney marriage, remember that, and be wiser, and take more time, in your selection of a new husband.  

Dear all,

I have reached home safely, after 16 hours of travelling and two days on roads. First days I was really a mess, but now healing slowly.

I must admit that the reactions of my ex helped a lot. I heard all the hate speech all over, he denied that it's me left and said he is happy that I walked out from our r/s. Tried to find me and assumed I went to Turkey to visit my niece and will be back later to Egypt. Then he sent a message saying he moved out of our flat to be sure that I will never find him, all his family hates me, and he posted statuses to facebook saying `I AM SINGLE AND HAPPY` and blocking me. So yes, I am healing much better as he wiped off all my guilty consciousness and constantly helping me on it  :)

Family and friends are great, they are allowing me to cry as much as I want but also trying their best to keep me distracted. Taking me to the beach, cooking together and I slowly start to feel how it was to be in a home and not walking on eggshells anymore. I no longer afraid of any moment an emotional hurricane may appear out of blue and I might be in the middle of it.

I am not underestimating the pain I had, and to be honest I am still not feeling great, but I am getting better and hopefully one day this will be just a bad dream / good life lesson.

Thank you for all the good luck wishes and prayers... . I appreciate much x

Simona, I am so glad you're out of there. You have been in my thoughts!  Yes, time to begin your new path now.  Take all the time you need. x