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Title: Stopping the bleeding need help Post by: nodoover on June 03, 2013, 09:31:27 AM I am having a hard time with letting my husband be right when he is totally wrong or just not understanding me.
I am falling into being defensive or just causing more of his anger by stating my opinions. For instance I know what causes my back pain and how to deal with it, which exercises to do, when to stop or slow down and when to continue on. So last night when my back hurt after making dinner he said don't do anything or you won't be able to work. I found myself getting defensive then questioning whether what I know to be true is right. My counselor said something that scared me last time, she said are you questioning your sanity? And though I couldn't bring myself to answer her out of fear, maybe after dealing with husband, sometimes I am! Title: Re: Stopping the bleeding need help Post by: Mcgddss on June 03, 2013, 11:47:39 AM Before I found this website, I was questioning myself.
My husband has decided I am the problem - but I have a degree in Counseling and I know what I am seeing. My uBPDh never takes responsibility and refuses to work on our relationship. This includes refusing to help with the housework and raging when I need him to pick up the kids. I see him as a huge vacuum sucking the life out of our family. My kids see him as always grumpy. If your partner is always taking and never giving, always raging and never discussing, know that you are doing all you can and the problem is not you. Title: Re: Stopping the bleeding need help Post by: tuum est61 on June 06, 2013, 02:38:38 PM I am having a hard time with letting my husband be right when he is totally wrong or just not understanding me. I am falling into being defensive or just causing more of his anger by stating my opinions. For instance I know what causes my back pain and how to deal with it, which exercises to do, when to stop or slow down and when to continue on. So last night when my back hurt after making dinner he said don't do anything or you won't be able to work. I found myself getting defensive then questioning whether what I know to be true is right. My counselor said something that scared me last time, she said are you questioning your sanity? And though I couldn't bring myself to answer her out of fear, maybe after dealing with husband, sometimes I am! Hi Nodoover, I've read through all your posts. It's good to see you recognize that you need to stop the bleeding but its not clear that you've started any of the inital steps to do so. I would think you would agree that the communication between you and your husband is poor. You say you have a hard time "letting your husband be right." Put another way, you have a hard time acknowledging how he feels about something. Validation - the act/art of acknowledging someones feelings without agreeing or questioning whether they are warranted based on the facts - is one of the first tools that can be applied. Its the first step to improved communication. Have a look at the workshop COMMUNICATION: Validation - Stop invalidating others (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) and let me know what you think. |