BPDFamily.com

I switched lawyers because my first one, who was low-cost, would do things without telling me, and then not do things she said she was going to do.  I had to be on her constantly and double-check her decisions and advice with other lawyers.  SHe wanted to do a few things that would have triggered my husband, and I talked her out of it.  Finally I went to a new higher powered lawyer recently and felt much better.

Now the new one just sent my H's lawyer a letter pressuring him about something that I wanted off their radar.  What happened was, we agreed to a great custody settlement and if they don't do anythign, it automatcially gets accepted by the end of the week.  But she sent a letter saying I was "anxious" to resolve it.  EEK, that's the opposite of what I wanted - now they can use it as a bargaining chip.  I talked to her today and she said she made a mistake and didn't realize before sending the letter that it automatically gets accepted if the other side doesn't do anything. OOPS!  I thought she would always check with me before sending correspondence. 

This may cost me thousands and hurt my custody with the kids.  My first lawyer delayed something that caused them not to accept such an agreement, and now this one reminded them to respond to this instead of just letting it become law. 

Let this be a lesson to anyone.  Spell everything out for your lawyers.  Reinforce things and be clear.  They think they know the laws, but the laws are constantly changing in each state and are very specific.  I see information on the internet all the time that's incorrect, even on homepages of local law firms. 

I just had to write this here and get some sympathy because I'm so frustrated.  This letter she sent costs me money because of her time, and it may screw up everything for months, depending on how my hubby responds.  I did a little damage control with a short email to my hubby to distract him, but if they start changing this agreement, my kids will lose out and I'll have to try to get them back to a place where they accept it again.

I consulted with about 10 lawyers before choosing this one.  They all have their bad points and they've all got too much on their plates.  I am just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope nothing else happens.  UGH!

I had similar experiences.  My first lawyer did stuff without checking with me, and some of it made things worse.  I finally asked him to get my written approval before sending anything to the other side;  he didn't like that, and wouldn't agree to it, so it was one of the issues that led to firing him.

My second attorney had no problem with that - she was more experienced and competent, not at all shy, but willing to get my approval before sending stuff to the other side.

We are often just as weak in dealing with our attorneys as we were in our relationships... .

Well, that's true.  My first one became dysfunctional and I kept hesitating before firing her.  The problem is, you don't really know how a lawyer will be until you've been working with them for a while, and it's hard to switch to someone new who doesn't have all your history.

My relationship with my old lawyer was getting as dysfunctional as with my husband.  I am afraid to piss lawyers off.  They don't really need me.  But I have to be clear with them.

I am hoping it all works out!  I learned my lesson.  I don't want to switch lawyers again, but I will just be even clearer than before.

Yeah, I waited too long to change too.  Others here were telling me to fire the guy but I made excuses for him.  When I finally set some boundaries, it was clear he would not step up to my expectations;  I wish I had done that sooner.

We think we need them more than they need us, but another way to look at it is, "I am his boss and he works for me.  He needs to do the job and meet my expectations or I will find someone who can."  Not to abuse or bully your attorney, but treat him as you would any other service provider - a doctor, or plumber, or computer guy - if you like the service and think it's a good buy, great, but if you're not getting what you need at a cost you think is right, you have no obligation to put up with it.

I especially think that attorneys who don't do the basics - return your calls in a timely way, give you a straight answer when you ask a question, and comply with your simple instructions like not sending something to the other side without consulting you - they're telling you pretty clearly that they aren't committed to providing the service you need.  Things will probably only get worse.

Yes,  My past one gave me wrong advice and was slow at things.  This one has been good, but she goofed in a big way.  Hopefully she will be more committed now that she realizes this.  Changing attys is frustrating and expensive.

I'm beginning to think all of them make costly mistakes.Mine has and a friend of mine has.

Luckily,mine hasn't sent anything without asking,but sometimes I have to "nudge" her to do something,like writing a letter for harassment to stop.My friend just got her pendente lite order that was issued in FEBRUARY! I told her she needed to contact her atty and ask him wth it is? She did and he said he forgot to send it.She didn't even know what orders she was supposed to be following.

ugh. but true.