BPDFamily.com

When a BPD takes medication for their mental illness does it stop the rages and emotional turmoil? How do they act when they get their illness under control?

Recovery takes a long time. Medication is only part of the recovery process.

Do some research on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. |iiii

What's going on with your family member kharma? Are they seeking therapy?

I agree with what Clearmind said. Medication can help with the symptoms, but doesn't really resolve the issues without therapy.

I wish my mother would seek therapy. I'd be so happy:) Unfortunately, mom doesn't think she has a problem

Lately, she's been instigating minor arguments, and I feel that a rage is going to happen in a few days... .

Is there something that seems to be triggering these arguments that could be building up to a rage, like an upcoming event? Sometimes being able to recognize what's triggering your mom might help you identify ways to prevent a rage.

Keep in mind that BPD is a personality disorder and not a medical condition, so meds won't resolve your mom's underlying issues unless she has a medical disorder (like depression or bi-polar disorder) on top of BPD. The meds may make her feel better, but therapy will help her long-term with BPD. It's much harder, as you can imagine, to get someone who doesn't see his/her problem to seek treatment. Does your mother understand why she's on meds? What would happen if you gently suggested therapy along with the meds?

The arguments that she instigates are completely random and can involve any circumstance or event. If she's in the mood for some drama, she will create it. Recently, she had a mini rage about when my health insurance card was supposed to arrive, and I informed her that it should be coming in the mail anyday. She begins to grill me about the exact day it should be arriving, and I couldn't give her an exact date only an estimate. She gets angrier by the minute because she doesn't believe me and demands I call the health insurance company to give her the exact day it should come in the mail. By that time, she's yelling and calling me stupid for not taking care of business. None of this effects her, and should be of little concern. She'll find something in my life to harass and pester me about. Until the card arrives in the mail, she'll continue to yell & argue with me about the arrival date.

Another way she creates drama is if I am working a job, she'll go online and find another job that she thinks is better and pester me to apply. The job doesn't pay any better than what I currently have.   From there on, every interaction is her pressuring me to apply or questioning the validity of my response when I say "yes, I applied". She never believes me and then calls me a liar and argues that she needs proof I really applied and then it gets even crazier from there.  

She's this way with everything. I was even pressured(she went into a rage and physically attacked me because I refused to buy it) into buying a TV I didn't want.

What do you do when she rages? Is it on the phone or in person?

My uBPD mother took lots of different medication and occasionally saw a psychiatrist but she still had rages ( alternated between rages and withdrawals).  Kharma, things do not sound good for you and remind me terribly of the horror of living with my mum.  Are you living with her?  You need some distance and boundaries to allow you to take care of yourself.

Unfortunately, its in person because right now I'm living at home. When she goes into a rage I am shielding myself from her smacks and punches. Or trying to stop her from sabotaging something that belongs to me.

Kharma please remove yourself before it escalates to punches being thrown.

It's reinforcing bad behaviour if you stick around.

What is the long term plan with the current living arrangements?

I don't have anywhere else to go. Not enough money to live on my own

Kharma, can you stay with a friend when your mom is raging?  Are you alone with her when this happens?  Is there a family member or neighbor you could call?

Right now I don't have any close friends or relatives I can depend on. My mother rages when no one is around or when my dad is sleep/not home. Although, if he walks in during one of her rages, she'll calm down and stop... . and my dad will blame me for it. He knows that she's a loose cannon

I've moved out two years ago(she begged and cried for me not to go) but had to come back home due to financial reasons. Now, I'm trying to put up with the craziness while I'm trying to get through nursing school

I'm not sure why she nitpicks or starts fights with me. I used to go with her places but stopped because she'd start assaulting me for no reason. Once I went with her to the mall and on the way home in the car, she grabbed a cup of soda and just threw it on me and starting hitting me. I have no idea why she did that. Maybe she's jealous of me... . I dunno. I  no longer go places with her anymore cause she instigates crazy arguments and fights

Hey kharma

I hope you get away soon, I understand if you can't at the moment for financial reasons but hopefully you can work out how to get away soon.  I don't know if such things are available where you are but is there any nurses accommodation at the hospital where you train?  I remember a time after university that I had to return to live with my mom and it was hell.  My thoughts are with you and I hope you can get sorted soon.

Hi Kharma.

This sounds like a horrible situation. I hope that you can work something out soon so you can get away. I really feel for you and you have come to the right place for information, guidance and support. Are you in therapy, or can you arrange some  through your nursing school? While physically you may not be able to get away there are plenty of ways you can learn to start protecting yourself emotionally and mentally that will serve you well in the long run. I know how it sounds... . boundaries, strategies what good are they doing when im getting physically abused? I thought the same thing when i started my own therapy but these things really do help us learn to cope and really do place a limit on the damage thats being done to us. This will help you when you do finally have some physical distance too to not be so badly affected and to teach you to completely accept that you do not deserve this.

Unfortunately, most uBPDs do not have the level, or ANY insight at all to even consider the notion of therapy. They actually are wired up in a way that they really do believe their reality. You mum wouldnt even be able to comprehend the idea that you have no control over when a letter is to arrive in the mail, that you cant even track said letter or the idea that its not acceptable to rage over such an incident. This is so hard for us to understand, but for them these emotions and reactions are so normal they dont raise any red flags. But you have to keep in mind you are trying to rationalise an irrational person. You may as well be talking to the sofa for all the good it would do.

Sometimes there are triggers which we can work towards avoiding, but mostly i find that its a lucky dip, who knows whats going to set them off! I asked my Psychologist a few months ago if she was sure she thought my mum had BPD, that it wasnt some kind of insanity, that it seemed like pure craziness the rants were so incoherent! But No.

All we can do is work on protecting ourselves and learning as much as we can. It does help. I wish you well Kharma, stay in touch on here, we are all supporting you x