BPDFamily.com

So ive also been posting on a forum that has members diagnosed  with BPD. Ive gotten a few good responses but one kinda hurt.  A member claimed that my ex may have just been testing the waters with her current fiance. They claim shemay have left him to see if  he would still take her back, that just makes the relationship I had with her seem worthless. So basically what they claim is perhaps my ex still wanted her current fiance all along she just wanted to test his loyalty, sounds sick I know but they are sick.  That might explain the photos she kept of him, while they do have a son together I can understand some photos, but not ones of just the two of them. I justfeel like I was used to make him jjealous. So now that he has proved himself they will just ride off into the sunset together. I tried very hard to prove my loyalty to her.

sunset... . riding off together... . i dont think so.

remember that a person suffering with borderline personality disorder is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody.

her experience with her current fiance will be very very similar in outcome to yours. he will disappoint her in some way, real or imaginary, or the intimacy level will rise again to a point where her fear of being abandoned will trigger her BPD behavior, and then she will be back in contact with you, or anybody else who can make her feel better for a minute/hour/day/week.

you may well have been used to make him jealous, and to get him to try harder to make her happy.

but in the end, she is unhappy in herself, and nothing and nobody can make her happy for long, and so her search for the key to happiness will go on and on and on.

i know that it is hard, but the best way forward for you is to channel your love and affection in your own direction... . value yourself more highly... . and expect and demand more... . this girl is in no shape or condition to be anything but trouble to anybody until she gets into treatment and does the work to enable her to see the world and people in a different, more healthy way. unfortunately for her, that will take years.

so dont worry about her sunset, think instead about your new dawn.

you are a very loving person, and someone out there would love to be on the receiving end of that love, and they will love you back in a healthy and kind way.

you will see!

so keep taking your medicine, stay away from her, break the addiction, and start looking forward, not back.

good luck, we are here to help you.

b2   

Thanks I needed that

Heyhey (like your name)

If it was trues, that your exgf she used you as an object to get attention from the other guy -  and got it, it just goes to show how shallow her perception of 'relationships' and 'love' is. How she treats others for her own gains.

I know that does not lessen the pain, but good she isn't in your life. In my case, i feel like i was like his project - he liked me, wanted me, own me, and when that did not work - he left me without any remorse. I felt like some experiment of his - which scared the hell out of him, turned against his needs/wants so he abandoned the experiment as it failed. The thing they don't realise is they are stuck in that vicious circle they created themselves.

Although i am still recovering from the 1.5 yrs experiment - which was to conclude in marriage this march, he moved on and got married this month.

Bottom line, stay strong and work on pulling back into more awesome self! I believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Cheers!