BPDFamily.com

So after another 9 days NC my ex messaged me on gchat. I tried to keep it civil. Of course within 15 minutes it wasn't. I made the huge mistake of telling her that she seems pretty miserable and stressed lately. I compared herself to a year ago when we were just friends. She seemed happier. I said it out of concern because honestly... . the last time I saw her she looked really unhealthy. Of course she flips and says that I'm basically bullying her. That really upset me. I wasn't trying to bully or even be mean. I was generally concerned for her. She accused me of being one of the types that hurts the ones closest to them (suddenly I'm thinking projection) and said all I do is criticize her and tell her that she has issues. I made the mistake of mentioning BPD one drunken night 2 months ago. Of course now I feel terrible and regret talking to her.

She called me out on never talking to her anymore. At this point I called her and explained to her that I don't call her anymore because she is engaged, I'm trying to detach, and that its not to punish her. She got engaged 3 months after we broke up and will get married in 2 more months. Not once during these conversations does she show any empathy or say sorry for anything she has done. What makes me sick is that I have this awful need to want to protect her and help her... . yet at the same time I want nothing to do with her anymore because of all this pain she brings me. What is even worse is that when I called her 2 hours after the initial fight... . she didn't even seem to care.

me, its hurtful if we pass judgement on how another person is feeling and then you called to tell her that you are trying to detach. Don't contact her - it hurts you and her.

Protect yourself, save yourself and heal - let this go.

Reengaging is something different to making contact. This was simply contact.

I think it was re-engagement at the beginning before I screwed up and said that stuff. She kept saying "sigh... . " as if she missed me/was sad. That was the whole reason why I mentioned that she seemed sad in the first place... . Then she went off. I told her I was trying to detach in the nicest way possible... . but yeah I need to probably block her because I'm not strong enough to not respond.

If this was to work out and you were to reconcile it takes the two of you.  A healthy relationship is balanced and both come to the party. Right now you feel guilt and shame over “screwing” it up. You didn’t screw it up – you are attempting to make good of a bad situation.

This relationship is based on shaky foundations.

No response is best. You respond possibly hoping for the best and the “I miss you” and “I love you’s” – hoping she will see the light. In time you will detach and move through these painful times.

Sit with it.

Yeah, you're right. It's crazy. I think I'm about over the relationship and then I get set back so much so fast. I feel trapped. It's so hard not to want to help her see the light but I know that she just hates me for that. Maybe now she has finally painted me black and I won't get approached. NC attempt again... .

Be kind to yourself - you are most likely processing these set backs alot quicker than you did. You have come along way.