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My uBPDex and I still own our house, and our tenant (in the basement) informed us last week she is leaving.  (on good terms).  My ex and I set up a time this Friday night to discuss what to do moving forward, although when i asked to meet to talk about it (I'm not sure what our plans are with the house moving forward - he had mentioned on several occasions we would sell it) - he had said "we don't need to meet - we can just advertise it and be done with it".  When I said it was important to me to talk about our plans, he set up this meeting on Friday with me.

Today, I have asked to reschedule, due to a number of unforeseen circumstances with the kids making that night practically impossible to sit down and talk.  I've given him a number of different times that I"m available in the days surrounding Friday, but he has now said he can't meet until the middle or end of next week.

This is what got me so hooked in our r/s - his passive aggressiveness. When pressed about similar actions, he would tell me that "I am too pushy with my needs and I feel steam-rolled by you".   I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that I can't change how he reacts or what he thinks, and I'm left with trying to figure out how to deal with him, and this situation, when he knows something is important to me and seems to purposely avoid trying to find a middle ground.

I've already responded saying "I'm confused as leaving this discussion until the end of next week leaves little time to get the apartment rented".  He hasn't replied.

I'm realizing, with relief, that this is exactly what I'm trying to get away from, so I am going to work at coming up with solutions that don't require us to be collaborative.  As in - I do the advertising, he fixes the plumbing, etc.  Really, at this point, selling the house to be completely done with him sounds appealing to me too.  It just may not be the financially best idea for another year or two.

Ugggh.  And he's is sugar-sweet to everyone else around him.  He would never put off his friends like this.

Any clarity on how to stay strong in my own power moving forward, both in this situation and with co-owning a house?

H4E

Hi Healing4ever, My suggestion is that you try to focus on the things that are within your control.  Of course, co-ownership of real estate requires you to interact with your Ex, but maybe you can look at what steps you can take on your own to reduce stress over this issue.  Maybe you could get a third-party, like a broker or real estate manager, involved, to take some of the pressure off yourself.  If you are being proactive, I think you will find the passive-aggressive approach becomes less of an issue.  Just my two cents!  LuckyJim

Thank-you Lucky Jim.

He has since responded and started negotiating about meeting sooner than the middle of next week, so I am surprised and pleased that he is adjusting himself.  I guess I need to work on giving him the time and space to respond to my needs, even if his first response seems to deny them.  (force of habit on my part by this time)

H4E