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Title: How did your BPD's recount the stories of past r/s break ups? Post by: connect on June 05, 2013, 11:47:05 AM Hi,
Just a general question. I posted this on Staying but this board may get a better response. I wondered how your BPD partners have described the endings of past r/s's? My b/f (ex now I suppose unfortunately - not my choice) told me varying accounts of how each r/s ended. He sided on his victim role of course. The same r/s break up would be described differently on different occasions. It always confused me. Did he not remember? Did it depend on his mood when he re-told it? Was he not accepting his responsibility in it? About his r/s before me he initially said that she had ended it but a few days later he said he hoped she "wouldn't stalk him"... . weird if she ended it? Since then he alternated it to being "mutual" or "he ended it" or "she was still in love with her ex" or "she wouldn't commit" and he "couldn't see it going anywhere" Am curious... . Title: Re: How did your BPD's recount the stories of past r/s break ups? Post by: fromheeltoheal on June 05, 2013, 12:11:11 PM My BPD ex didn't talk about them much, although there were a lot of exes, and it was always them doing her wrong, victim mentality.
As I've learned about BPD, I've learned about cognitive dissonance. "Reality" as we call it includes facts, which don't change, and how we feel about those facts can change based on our interpretation, what we make them mean. Someone experiencing cognitive dissonance, a trait that shows up in some BPD's, makes the feelings the priority, and so will change the facts to fit the desired feelings, literally changing reality in their own heads. My BPD ex would tell the same story different ways depending on her feelings at the time, the 'truth' was constantly morphing, but somehow she was always the victor or the victim, whatever made her feel good. We all do that to some extent, but when facts morph at will, and a person doesn't even realize it, they've detached and are disordered. Title: Re: How did your BPD's recount the stories of past r/s break ups? Post by: IwentWithMyInstincts on June 05, 2013, 12:30:48 PM Ha! Where DO I begin? :)
My ex-BPDbf told me his 17-year marriage ended because "he" filed for divorce. "Randy" came to this decision (he says) after his ex-wife (supposedly) had numerous affairs. (I believe she may have even been BPD herself from the stories I've heard) According to HIM, he was always faithful... . )Who knows, who cares!) Ex "girlfriends" were "stalkers" or psycho. He also said one woman he dated had teenage children who were SO needy they'd call in the middle of the night. I was told they broke up, but got back together at some point. He said the second break up was because he didn't want to deal with her needy teenagers. However, I saw an email from her that seemed to contradict his story. Her words were something to the effect of "I know you love me 'Randy,' but I just can't do this anymore." His "explanation" of that email was that she was just too overwhelmed with her children to continue the relationship. (I interpreted it differently.) Again. Who knows, who cares. I'm certain half of what I heard about every relationship he had was twisted to portray himself as the "victim." And I know for a fact that I too, was portrayed as a "crazy, stupid b%$@#" who warranted being booted out of his house. I think that lie is rather humorous given the reality of it is that I was and am a "smart b&%$#" for recognizing it was time to get the HELL out of a truly volatile and unhealthy situation! Title: Re: How did your BPD's recount the stories of past r/s break ups? Post by: standfree on June 05, 2013, 01:21:33 PM Mines would not shut up about them... . I got some long drawn out stories about most of them apart from her first marriage, never spoke about him.
In order from me to before... . 1. He battered her senseless, she took him to court, not proven verdict. 2. He also hit her, also not proven, was a alcoholic & cheat 3. He was a serious drug abuser & cheat 4. Stole her life savings & was a cheat 5. Abused her children & cheated... . 6. Married very young for 8 years. Dunno anything else. Why oh why did i get sucked in to her stories about her ex's. I'm sure there was many more, that she never mentioned. Non was her fault, most cheated her. Since my brake up with her, i have spoke to 3 of her ex's, they have completly diff stories, 2 claimed that she was the one who cheated, the other said she stole from him & ran head full-force into a lampost, then accused him of battering her. I will add, that she cheated on me with her new man also stole from me, accused me of being a druggie... . Why oh why did i fall for all that nonsense, i'm over it now, i dont hate her, iv moved on,, not my problem anymore, she can paint me black (which i know she is doing) but i dont care, the people who care about me know the truth, thats all that matters to me... . |