BPDFamily.com

Today my dd15 had a job interview... . it is a regular babysitting job that is every Friday afternoon. I thought the interview went well. I was wondering how the mom would react to my dd with her new nose piercing but then she opened the door and she had one too along with a sleeve tattoo... . she is a singer in a band and travels out of town every weekend for work. She needs someone to take care of her daughter until her husband comes home from work. Does this sound too stressful... . one day a week... . we left after talking for some time and my dd announced that she thought the interview went terrible and that she thought they hated her.

She goes this Friday to see how it goes and then we will see but I was a bit shocked at her reaction. The interview was good... . it was not bad. The woman offered to talk about pay and said she knew a neighbor that paid $9 to $10 dollars an hour for two kids... . she was thinking $8 for my dd... . my dd actually talked her down to $7 an hour! I feel her low self esteem is playing a part here.

Later in the day she talked about the babysitting job again and said she wished it was at night so the kid would sleep. She felt the kid didn't like her too! The little girl was only 6 years old and very shy. I can see my dd anxiety staring to rise.

I am not sure she should be babysitting... . I think she is good with kids but maybe this is not the job for her... . I told her to go on Friday and give it a chance... . if she is not comfortable then she can say no. Any thought about this?

We worry so much for our girls. And then try to implement things to help it all work out. That's a sensible thing to do, I reckon.

I am feeling this babysitting could be positive. Imagine your dd and the little girl alone together. Kids are so cute, it is possible that they will get on like a house on fire. The worry would be if your dd felt any stress in her responsibility. So, that's when she has you as a back for her. She can call you and ask for advice. And you can work hard on practising her validation and let her find her own solutions   what an opportunity!

Maybe you could teach her about Validation stage 1, and explain how important it is to use this sort of thing on a child, to help them feel comfortable.   bingo! another opportunity!

Maybe it is callous of me to consider an innocent 6 yr old as an excellent learning opportunity, but hey, if it works for everyone... .

Figure out your back up plans with your dd, so she feels she has your support - not rescuing, not enabling etc. This has th epower to be a good thing.

what do you think? Get out the Lundsberg book for dd? Photocopy those pages relevant for littlies... .

Vivek  

If you are worried about the little girl and potential harm, then I think your concerns are justified. If it is your daughter that you are concerned about... . will she like it, will she succeed, etc. then I think you should encourage her to take the job. It's a perfect place to begin skills about being on time, a commitment, a chance to feel good about accomplishing something, reward of being paid. She will need all of the skills and experiences. Plus, it might make her feel like any other teen girl who babysits.

jellibeans:

I think this sounds like a good opportunity for your daughter.  Maybe you could encourage her by helping her plan for the job.  Both of my daughters babysat as thier first jobs.  One thing that worked wonders was that we went to the dollar store and made a bag full of fun items for them to bring with them.  Little arts and crafts things, coloring books, crayons, sidewalk chalk, etc.  Kids love these simple things.

I love the idea of having your daughter practice her skills on a child.  This could be very empowering for her.

Griz

Congratulations on the job interview!  You're daughter sounds like such a nice girl and your story inspires me to get my 16 year old daughter looking for a summer job.  Sounds like an awesome opportunity for your daughter to build self-esteem.  My daughter volunteered at an animal shelter and food pantry last year for community service and did very well.  They actually gave her compliments about how respectful she was (shocking)!  Good luck, I hope everything works out... .

Hi jellibeans,

I can relate to your situation.  My dd16 is applying for a summer job at Daycare facilities in our area.  Not sure if they will hire her as they may carry a requirement to be 18 years old... . we will see.

I have observed my d w/small children 2-8 years old one on one and in large groups over the years.  My d is very good w/children and doesn't become flustered or stressed out by them.

Is this true of your d?  The safety of the child and the affects on your d are of the utmost concern.  Will your d be able to handle this huge responsibility?  If you are unsure and your d is unsure... . is this a wise choice for all concerned?

Are there options?  Perhaps the little girl stays in your home (at least initially) so that your d has your support?  Have you put yourself in the mother's/father's shoes mentally and asked yourself... . would I want this 15 year old girl to be responsible for the safety and well being of my 6 year old child?  Can she handle it?

Dear jellibeans,  Only you really know your d so I would see if maybe you could go over there a couple of times during the first couple of fridays.  I know you are worried .  But always safe than sorry.  Im sure it would be good for her confidence to babysit .  My d always says "oh they hate me" so very common with BPDs.  Good luck with your decision mggt :)

 *) I think this is great.  She made it through the interview and was offered a job. Let the rest go.

My dd excells with kids.  Even when she is at her most deruglated  (swearing, yelling, disrespecting)  at home, she arrives at work where she is working with kids at a preschool combined with a before/after school program and excells.  Her supervisors love her and the way she relates to kids.

My advice is not to interfeer... . ask her gently about how it went and if she complains rememebr she might only be complaining to you.  This is her job not yours.

good luck

thank you all for the good advise... . she goes tomorrow and I will let her decide what to do. I did talk with a friend who recommend my daughter to this person. She told me the little girl is extremely shy and has been out with her and her girls several times and won't talk at all.

My dd is good with kids but this sounds like it will be a challenge... . but then we are out trying to parallel park tonight... . god help us!