BPDFamily.com

Like I mentioned in my topic about the rent, when I take care (or attempt to take care) of my responsibilities, the borderline to whom I am married for over a decade takes it as an insult.  She tells me, or acts like, I am not paying enough attention to her, or trying to make her look bad.

The most recent example of can be found just this morning:  I have started calling my daughter every morning when I get to work to ensure that she is awake for school (even though my wife is there, but usually sleeping in bed) because a couple weeks ago she accidentally slept in and I had to miss some work to drive her to school (even though the school is within a reasonable walking distance and they could have shared the weight of her books on the way). 

Well, this morning my wife happened to be awake when I called our daughter, and therefore sent me an email asking why I had calling our daughter.

I simply resonded to say that I was just making sure she was up... . but I shouldn't have this kind of question... . and it was not an innocent type of question... . especially since it left me feeling panic and anxiety... . and anger. 

A few weeks ago she had to get up in the morning for work with me.  She became upset when I did not wake her up when I got out of bed because she needed about as much time to get ready as I usually take.  However, my phone was on her side of the bed when its alarm went off, and she picked it up and handed it to me.  Well, I turned off the alarm and got out of bed.  But then she comes out of the bedroom a little while later with that look of cold fury on her face. 

SHE HANDED THE PHONE TO ME TO TURN OFF THE ALARM, BUT COULDNT GET UP WITHOUT ME TELLING HER TO?

Well this turned into a huge fight on the way to my work, as she had to drop me off and as it progressed, she ended up driving past my place of work 2 times, not letting me out.  She has done this tactic before too, taking away my power by keeping in the car while she drives around lecturing, insulting, swearing, until she is good and ready.  Usually until I "agree","apologize", etc.

Well this time, after she drove past the 2nd time, and had to stop at a stop sign, once she started going again I realized I had missed my chance to get out, so, before the car picked up too much speed, I just jumped out. 

... . I had to get to work.

Donald: This is the first post of yours I have seen, so just let me say,  *welcome*

It seems that our responsibility, self-control, and following through on commitments can be irritating to our BPD spouses.  Maybe seeing these traits in us feels invalidating to them b/c it points to their deficits, idunno.

As far as improving the situation, is your daughter old enough to take responsibility for waking up in time to get ready for school?  I'm a big proponent of kids having alarm clocks if they need help waking up on time and otherwise taking responsibility for their own schedules.

Cheers!