BPDFamily.com

Sorry to keep posting – having a tough week 

For anyone that missed it here’s a bit of background about him ending it on Saturday in a dissociated period:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202973.0

I called his mother today to check in. On our last call we had agreed we would both give him the space he wanted and we would let each other know if he contacted either of us. We have been very concerned about him (she thinks he is having a breakdown of some sort) On the call she told me that we both need to continue giving him space. She was rather cold to me which contrasted hugely from our last conversation. She inadvertently revealed some things which showed she has had contact with him since Saturday. I called her on it and she was with him all day today and is looking after his child this weekend. I was pretty upset that she didn’t tell me she was in contact with him again. She told me he is going to this wedding tomorrow and is staying overnight in a hotel (lovely to hear him, his friends and the ex will be sharing a hotel – thanks for that!) She said this wedding is all he can think about atm and he cant see past it. This is the event I have been excluded from and I suspect caused the problems as he knew that I would as his g/f be expecting to join him at (it would be uncomfortable for him with another ex being there so I was uninvited) She said “it’s a shame things didn’t work out” she spoke to me as though she wont be seeing me again but said he didn't discuss me with her all day. She thinks he will need another months space – bit of a platitude. Looks like he repaired the damage with her from Saturdays fallout but not me.

I was angry after this call that she didn’t tell me as we agreed to that he was ok. I was also angry at how she acted as though I was history. I was angry that he is going to this wedding on an overnight jolly and I have been feeling like absolute crap. I was just angry.

I just wanted to vent really. I have been listening to all the things you guys have been saying about concentrating on me atm and seeing what happens when he is out of this bad period.

But tonight I am upset and so angry that I am feeling gut wrenchingly awful yet in BPD land life goes on very nicely thank you very much.

 

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I know where you're head and heart are at right now - it's in your words. I wish I had magic words of wisdom, but I'm new too. I just wanted to give you a  , sounds like you need 1 or 2 or 10.

If I can suggest anything it would be this - if tonight you feel you have anything at all to say to him, log on here instead to say what you have to say. Ppl a lot wiser than me will help you through this.

Thanks Raindancer - that means a lot. Its tough isn't it?

I just found a forum where people with BPD talk to each other. It made me feel sad to read some of the posts - they are heartbreaking. It also made me feel this is less about me and more about the disorder.

Quite an eye-opener to read... .