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So I was reading more about BPD, and physical abuse. They were saying that if the pwBPD throws/breaks stuff they are more likely to get physically abusive, so my concern here is this….she throws stuff, she breaks stuff. I have seen her get that “look” in her eyes, I have seen her think about throwing whatever shes holding at me(called her out and said, “don’t even think about it” ) pretty sure I have seen her flinch while holding something in her hand when she gets mad at me. So my question is how do I go about addressing this, I want to make it clear to her that’s not something I will allow. But I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t want her to think she’s the “devil” or make things go bad... . its just sometimes she texts me things that I wonder if I were in front of her she would actually follow through on, or if shes just dicking around, or is this a way that im being tested?….i wanta make sure that doors shut and locked before its ever open. Set the boundary high

I this something I should be worried about, or am I over reacting... .

I worried about that same thing.  Fortunately, we had this strange conversation when my fiance's son was here about relationships and I said there's 2 real deal breakers for me~~abuse and infidelity.  We all agreed on what both of those terms meant and I've said it more than once... . I will not tolerate either.  He threw a full cup of iced tea at the wall once (thankfully plastic) and I let him know that I found that frightening and unacceptable.  He hasn't done anything like it since.

I hope you find a quiet moment to talk about this with her.  Living in fear isn't healthy.

ya. sorry for the confusion. i dont live with her anymore just because of all the drama, and bs that went along with it. i was always drained, and always on edge... . right now were simply friends from a far, as i moved across the country, but im planning to move back close to her but not with her, so thats why i wondered if there was a way to clear that up before anything ever happened, for when i move back... . im a little to comfortable with objects being chucked around, not so good with boundrys, so when i read that it kinda concerned me, along with already having seen her look for something to throw at me... . so i guess i'll have to have that talk with her before something like that were to get out of hand, but i'll wait til i can see her in person, so i have a better sence of wheres shes at that day... .

how did he respond when you tolf him how it made you feel? if you dont mind me asking.

thank you for your responce:)

Any kind of abuse is not tolerated. when they start to act up throwing things or words or a fist leave the room the house for a while letting them know when things calm down you will be back, don't answer your cell phone nothing letting them know what they did you don't and won't accept. if it gets real bad and they threaten call 911.

THey won't like you leaving but after time of doing this if they want you to stay they Things won't be as bad,, things don't change unless you change things... . :)

I do agree that abuse tends to escalate in severity over time... . if you give it a chance.

And any given abusive session starts out with an awkward moment or hint of something, then builds to a rage, and could build to hitting/throwing/etc. next.

My recommendation is to set boundaries that stop the verbal abuse. Wanda's got it 100% right there.

If you head off the verbal abuse, it won't have a chance to build to physical abuse.

Also, read this:

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Men (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87480.0)

:) thank you both:) i'll try and make sure i have that all set out before anything were to ever happen:)

ps. im not a guy but im guessing the post will go along the same lines regarding of me sexuality:)

Oopsie!

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0)

Feel free to read both articles. I believe there is a lot of overlap!