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So yesterday was my exs daughters birthday, I handled it well just staying busy at work, but I decided to be nosey and see how they might be spending her birthday this year without me.

We had this mutual friend from school, more so her friend than mine, but even Ager the break up she kept me as a friend, it's now eleven months later and she has just recently decided to delete me?

What the hell? What did I do to warrant this, I've made no direct comments to her and no indirect statuses bashing any one. If she was going to delete me she should've did it months ago as it would've been justified. In the long run it will honestly help me as is just another tie keeping me bound to my ex but what the heck guys, how am I so black that I get deleted from a mutual friend almost a year later?

That's a little ridiculous. I was tagged in photos with her kids as well because they loved me, not tagged anymore.

To be basically executed socially just doesn't suit well with me, if they could've murdered me and gotten away with it they would have, all because my ex wanted a guy ten years older than her. Seriously, da fuq?

I'm not too upset, more so disappointed in humanity, her friend is very similar in nature though so no surprise, may they be forever miserable.

Anyone else experience something like this?

AD,

Please do not take my response as negative, I am a board member just sharing my view.

I can understand your curosity... . but remember the cat thing?  I am still in the untangling process so this doesn't come from someone who has accomplished great things in a BPD realtionship but the fb thing? It is collateral damage from a unhealthy relationship.  I would just let it go.  There have been times I have seen social media be the source of so much drama. If you have moved on from this relationship... . let it go, keeping a means to snoop on the situation really isn't healthy for you in my opinion.  I have unfriended people on fb for different things they may have done or said, and I am sure some have me but I don't question their decision... . it was theirs to make.  The view sucks from down in the weeds... . get above it and live.

I am learning untangling is tough... . as I think you are also.  It is difficult... . be strong.

Hanginon

The friend has no clue what she is doing, this isn't based on truth or who you are as a person.  As hard as it is to do, you can't take this personally.  It has nothing to do with you.  It's reaction to the insane ramblings of a disordered, mentally ill person.  You can't fight this, it's best to move on to a healthier group of folks, that you can trust with your friendship.  Leave crazy town behind, it's not worth your time.  I'm sorry you got another jelly fish zap, it hurts and it is so unfair.

YOU didn't do anything! 

I don't know if this is your situation, but my ex put a lot of pressure on me, and all of his friends, to "share" his "enemies".  If I was nice, even said hello, or was FB friends to someone HE did not like or was angry at he took it as a betrayal.  I tried once explaining to him that these people did nothing to me personally, and more often than not, the "things" they did to him were extremely minor.  That did not go over too well.  People were either on his team or the enemy team.  There was no in between.  Admittedly I gave in to avoid a blowup.         

Did you by chance read the four agreements rose tiger? Also thanks to the others for the reply.

My gripe about this is not why it was done I guess as to more why now, why at eleven months later did she decide to do it. Makes me wonder. Soon I won't care though as I think my last post was asking if I should delete her due to her postings of hanging out with my ex. She did me a favor I suppose.

Funny right after I posted this a counselor walked into my store and talked to me for over an hour about the four agreements which follow: don't take it personal as one of the prize points and she kept reiterating that whatever it was with her, it was her reflecting to me how she really feels about herself.

She made some great points that really struck home, meanwhile I'm pretty sure she asked me on a date to a movie, not sure how to gage that because she's probably 15 years older but very easy to talk to as I've helped her before.

Anyway, I've been noticing there are more normal people still it there, just yesterday I met a girl so well spoken and just uncomplicated and so... . normal, it was so refreshing, this girl was mature beyond her years. So, there is still hope out there, I'm starting to see how crazy this has all really been.

I have my closure, and I've been vindicated by countless people saying what she was doing was wrong as I rehash my war stories to the best of my ability. I see my faults as well and I'm working still.

This intelligent counselor suggests people take, are you ready for this, two to three years off from a relationship after a serious breakup. If not she suggests you will still bring that other person along with you. I believe she has a valid point.

I'm going on one year since the break up and am starting to finally feel ok again with being alone and being me. I believe anything else than putting the work in on the self is just a rebound bound to repeat the mistakes of the past. History only repeats itself of we learn nothing from our past mistakes.

On a side note she just came back in all dressed up to talk some more , lol.

Oh boy.

I know it must feel like a punch in the stomach, but it isn't about you.

Honestly, she might have randomly deleted you not knowing you still felt a connection.  I deleted mutual friends a long time after the breakup simply because they were not in my life any longer, not because of anything about them.

This is one of your last ties, so it stings and presses the grief button... . feel it then let go.

And the 4 Agreements is an awesome book!

I totally understand the gut-shot feeling when a child you loved and cared for is weaponized and barred from contact.  The worst part of this is the feeling, as we get further along in recovery it becomes knowledge, that this is not only _not_ in the child's best interest, it is also positively harmful and a sign of bad things to come for the kid.  As partners, we are dispensable, no matter how much investment and intertwining there may be.  How could the child escape, other than somehow growing up immune to the intimate pressures that we as adults, however pre-prepared to eat it, were ourselves unable to identify and respond to?

This is big on my mind as my step-daughter's birthday was last week.  I will admit to getting an alternate phone number so I could at least text her anonymously a simple "happy birthday!", although I'm holding on to the gifts that I spent so much time and effort finding for her.  One day.  This a child whom I spent more time with than either of her bio parents for 10 years.  A child who, as we wrote each other after I left, wanted still to see me and for me, one day, to walk her down the aisle.  A child who could also be angry with me--something she def. could not be with either parent--but which also gave her the chance to process her feelings and move on.

Why can't I see her, or even speak on the phone or send stupid messages about homework and the dog?  B/c I've been accused of trying to seduce her and threatened with arrest for my obviously uncontrolled compulsions. 

I'd think of FB, or any other harm inflicted on you, as being on a ladder rising to infinity.  The next thing the ex does is the next level of hurting you.  And it will not stop until you accept that that is what is going to happen and disinvestment and distance take over.

I'm as heart-broken as anyone here, but I think about other people who have had different and terrible things happen in their lives and still survive and maybe thrive.

I hope it is so for my daughter (I earned the right to call her that). 

I'm lucky in that she just turned 15.  If I can't pull anything off in the divorce proceedings, I'm counting down 35 months and 3 weeks until .  .  .  I get my daughter back.

I can really appreciate your pain. My "daughter"just turned three. Her moms plan is that she would just forget about me, by now she probably has.

The knowledge enrages me that her life is going to be ruined by her moronic mother who can't keep it in her pants. Sorry.

This is the only subject that if pressed with me I'll totally lose it. She's the tie that gives this failed relationship life to breathe, I feel as if I failed her. Yeah, she's not mine shell be fine blah blah blah, I was considered daddy and I take that very seriously.

To often now do people not take responsibility for their actions and the seriousness of a situation. I stepped up and became a dad, I adopted the role and took it on full force only to be cheated out of it by a sick being.

No one should have that power. She took a daughter from me.

I basically treat it as a death because I'll never get to see her again. In theory my fantasy ex died along with my daughter and the sick part is it was my ex that destroyed it all. Sick and twisted.

Losing a daughter, I'll probably never get over that hurdle.

Man, I feel you, and I wouldn't be a 10-year vet if I didn't.

Don't stop feeling and being honest about those feelings, but don't ever, ever, give up on this child.  Never close a door or slim an opportunity.  The wingnut may or may not find your openness exploitable (the trick they'll never get:  when it comes to the beloved child, you are _not_ exploiting me!).  Don't get in trouble w/ the IED that is your ex, but just always be there ready, ready, ready.  Even if we can't control what happens, we also don't know what will happen.  And a loved child's brain and heart will impress and hold and remember.  This isn't just fantasy.  My folks d/v'd when I was basically an infant, and decades later, with no expectation at all, I find my father a great and important friend, and I think he would say the same.  Remember to play the long game.  The child would want you to.

Keep the best and forget the rest.