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Title: broken boundary - need some help Post by: raindancer on June 09, 2013, 07:16:14 AM There is a bit of history to this that I've written about in other posts.
One of the few boundaries I've set is nc w/ dBPDbf's family. For very good reasons. This has been better for me and for our r/s. Recently, there have been several attempts made by them to "reach out" (that's how it's now being put) I've kept my distance. I have now been put in a situation - there is an important family get together coming up that I've been obligated/commited to attend without him asking me. It's been done in a way that is a no win for me... . If I do go, I open the door to more grief from them (especially uBPDmil), which was hard enough to detach/un-enmesh from to begin with. But if I don't go, won't it give her more reason to paint me black?... . What do I do? I have this feeling of dread - that awful sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. And I need some help on how to approach this... . Title: Re: broken boundary - need some help Post by: SadWifeofBPD on June 09, 2013, 09:02:52 AM Since this is a "family get-together" then there will likely be lots of people there? Yes? If so, then park yourself near the "normal folks" and politely avoid those who give you trouble. Acknowledge them, say your "hellos" and appear that it's just a coincidence that you're spending the time chatting with other folks.
Title: Re: broken boundary - need some help Post by: Clearmind on June 09, 2013, 06:38:37 PM Obligated to go, fear going. Bit of a dilemma raindancer only if you don't listen to what you want rather than do what is obligated to you.
Often what gets to a stage of resentment and anger is by doing things we don't want to do. If you do go - what coping skills can you use to move through it? Practicing mindfulness--how do you do it? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111031.0) Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0) Title: Re: broken boundary - need some help Post by: raindancer on June 09, 2013, 08:29:03 PM Thank you SadWife and Clearmind
I appreciate your answers. I can park between my fil and my daughter if necessary, SW. Thank you for the links Clearmind - I will have to practice mindfulness before this event. Being in the moment is not my strong suit, this I absolutely know. The bricks of resentment and anger have created a thick wall around me with this family. I guess I'll never see what's on the other side of it if I never climb over it... . |