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Having a rough day of it.

I am finding that there are a few particular memories associated with people or places or things that trigger deep feelings of sadness, hurt, and betrayal which start to eat me from the inside yet again.

I think my biggest is my dBPDex's hometown.  I visited it several times with her and without her during our relationship, probably 4 times total.  There was one instance in particular, where I was really hurt.  Just her behavior that weekend I felt very hidden, as though she was trying to escape the fact that she was in a relationship.  This of course opened up all sorts of old wounds associated with cheating.

All it took today was meeting a guy in the gym who goes to college in her hometown to bring all of those feelings up.  To bring back to the surfaces the doubts I have had concerning my own culpability and responsibility for the failure of the relationship, what was real and what was not, if she really loved me or not, etc.

It is odd, because thinking about our inside jokes, or the secrets between us, etc, I don't really get like this.


Does anyone else find that they too have triggers like this?  If so, how do you mitigate them?

My God yes, so many triggers.  I'm just taking it day by day.  Hang in there, Octoberfest.  You have so much insight - I've gotten so much out of your posts.  One thing that I've found helpful is to find some new association to replace the old association.  For instance, my ex likes a certain musical group, so I associate that group with him whenever I hear mention of them.  But one of my good friends where I work also loves this group.  So instead of thinking about my ex, I'm trying to replace the thought with, "So and so loves that group."  It's the same with movies, foods, etc. 

But yeah, hometowns are hard.  There are two towns I won't step foot in because of my ex.  But I know someday it won't matter - I'm just not there yet. 

Yes, definitely.  Five years with someone means LOTS of triggers.  I'm trying to "reclaim" some for me and I also love the idea of creating a new and different association.  It takes a while to replace a habit, and thinking about our exes is a habit.  They say you never break a habit, you just replace it with something else.  Instead of smoking a cigarette, do some breathing exercises, instead of eating when a craving strikes, walk around the block.  For me, when I start to go deep, I think of the Bob Newhart sketch where he is a psychiatrist, and answers his patient with "Stop it!" whenever she says how scared she is of something.  So when the gutpunches hit, I think, in Bob Newhart's voice, "STOP IT!" Which makes me laugh and then I find something else to focus on, at least for the time being. 

Thank you for your words

Hey All!

I think many of us experience some sort of triggers. I am unnerved when they come out of nowhere when I least expect them! To get past the moment, I use prayers or affirmations like these:

Letting go will help me to be healthy

I control my own life and decisions

I am healthy

I am strong

I feel good about my decision to let go

Letting go is healthy

Best Wishes,

Val78

Absolutely. I have found triggers to be reminders of events that need to be grieved. So if some action causes a saddness I try to recognize it and let that emotion flow. If I need to cry I don't try to stop the tears anymore, which is something I use to do. I believe triggers will always be there though my reaction to them will lessen with each grieving process. They have lessened to a large degree since starting my recovery 2 and a half years ago. It get's easier the more you work on you.