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Title: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: bb12 on June 11, 2013, 12:57:15 AM On my run yesterday I was marvelling at the crisp blue winter sky and a diary full of great things to do that afternoon. Lunch with a friend. A gallery vist to see another friend's exhibition. Dinner with my parents. And drinks after that for a birthday party in the city. And it dawned on me:
When your new life is better than your old life with the exBPD, moving on is not so much a choice as a preference! I genuinely prefer my life now to the one I had with him The faster we get to a place of knowing that our new lives are better than our old one, the process of detaching and letting go speeds up. I am at the point now where I don't want to share this new and amazing time in my life with someone who is going to diminish it in any way: with their selfishness, critcism, goading, moodiness. You know? Once you get your head around their stuff and then yours. And once you work on addressing your issues so as to learn from them... . LOOK UP and see how amazing your new life has become. I was in the habit of ruminating about being discarded or fixing the BPD r/ship. But a look at your new, incredible, conscious and abundant new world might just be the catalyst to stopping the ruminations and sadness, and instead remind you of just how far you've come BB12 Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: VeryFree on June 11, 2013, 01:25:01 AM Nice motivational speech!
Thanks for that, you're totally right. In the end we're better of alone than in an abuse r/s. In the end we're better of caring about ourselves than caring about them. In the end we're better of free than bounded by their illness. In the end we're better of learning about ourselves than about them. Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: LetItBe on June 11, 2013, 08:57:53 AM On my run yesterday I was marvelling at the crisp blue winter sky and a diary full of great things to do that afternoon. Lunch with a friend. A gallery vist to see another friend's exhibition. Dinner with my parents. And drinks after that for a birthday party in the city. And it dawned on me: When your new life is better than your old life with the exBPD, moving on is not so much a choice as a preference! I genuinely prefer my life now to the one I had with him The faster we get to a place of knowing that our new lives are better than our old one, the process of detaching and letting go speeds up. I am at the point now where I don't want to share this new and amazing time in my life with someone who is going to diminish it in any way: with their selfishness, critcism, goading, moodiness. You know? Once you get your head around their stuff and then yours. And once you work on addressing your issues so as to learn from them... . LOOK UP and see how amazing your new life has become. I was in the habit of ruminating about being discarded or fixing the BPD r/ship. But a look at your new, incredible, conscious and abundant new world might just be the catalyst to stopping the ruminations and sadness, and instead remind you of just how far you've come BB12 Good for you, BB12! |iiii I've been practicing bringing myself back to the present when I catch myself thinking about my ex. I'll notice my surroundings and also pay attention to what is going on in my body. For example, if I'm riding my bike, and I find myself thinking of him, I'll redirect my focus to how it feels to push the pedals, the sensations I feel, how I'm breathing, the wind on my face, and oh, look at the beautiful trees, the sky, and listen to those birds chirping. When my thoughts drift away again, I simply redirect again. Redirecting our thoughts 1,000 times is 1,000 successes. I am being more mindful of what kind of energy I want in my life. Why would I want to share it with anyone that would diminish my enjoyment? Life is precious. Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: bb12 on June 11, 2013, 05:57:01 PM Redirecting our thoughts 1,000 times is 1,000 successes. Awesome quote! Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: hijodeganas on June 13, 2013, 09:28:02 PM Redirecting our thoughts 1,000 times is 1,000 successes. Ooo! I like that a lot! I may have to steal this line from you. :) Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: Bananas on June 13, 2013, 09:50:59 PM Wow, these are great posts. I think I need to spend more time in L6 than in L3. It certainly feels better in here.
Title: Re: A matter of preference and NOT choice Post by: Suzn on June 16, 2013, 08:24:23 PM When your new life is better than your old life with the exBPD, moving on is not so much a choice as a preference! Isn't that the truth! So happy for you bb. |