BPDFamily.com

Just saw that the exBPD's house sold. We have been NC for 8+ months and she is long gone - back with her husband.

Just brought back some memories and resentments. One thing is the finality - she is not coming back to this town.

She left owing me $5000 but threatened if I ever contact her she will contact the police.

Now I know she has a bit of extra money I am temped to contact (maybe by a third party ie lawyer). Or is it worth it?

Is my healing and serenity worth jeopardizing  just to potentially get a few bucks back and to hold her accountable to her promise as I would with a "normal" person. I can imagine her "going ballistic" with raging and counter threats - even the police (she is good at playing the victim and distorting the truth).

Or should I just reframe things? The money was the price I paid to learn. First about abusive r/s's and BPD's and that I will never put myself in that position again. And secondly the huge benefits I got from the r/s by starting to look at my own core issues (adult child and codependency stuff). And last what I have learned about love.

I think I have answered my own question. If she has a moment of accountability and sends me some money: great otherwise: let it go. The potential cost of stirring things up isn't worth the risk. I need to take care of myself and move on.

I think most of us are owed substantial amounts of money by our exes, and I think most of us have come to the conclusion that it's not worth it. 

Do you have anything signed by her showing that she acknowledges she owes your money?  Or was it a "gentleman's agreement"?

If no loan papers signed by her... . let it go.

I have two emails promising to pay - two "loans". This is for about half of the five grand.

But I think it is best to let it go. The selling of her house has just brought this back into my mind.

Your mental health is priceless. If you can - let it go.

For everything else there is MasterCard! Thanks for that!

If you can, let it go... . your mental health is worth so much more than a few measly thousand dollars. I couldn't let go of a similar situation with my wife and she did go ballistic. And I wish more than anything, I would have let it go. In the end, I would have been so much better off emotionally. Live and learn.

Hi Nolisan

I have tried more than once to 'reason' with exH about financial issues and it has backfired on me by bringing me down every time.  I am currently feeling much healthier than I have for some time and am debating with myself about whether to tackle a financial issue.  But, I am scared that my hard-won current state might be damaged again.

I hate feeling that he is still in some way controlling me by making decisions about finance that affect me.  However, I remember how low I felt after previous encounters and I don't want to go there just now.

Do you want the money back (a) because you really need it or (b) as a matter of principle (or a combination of both)?

Same story for me... . I decided to forget about it... . My mental health is more then the 10.000 dollar she owes me. But I know it´s unfair and hurtful.