BPDFamily.com

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support on here through some of the toughest times of my life.  A quick overview... .   My BPD wife fled the state with my daughter after filing a false police report on me.  The report included some horrible things that could have cost me a long time in prison.  After fighting the court system for two months I was able to get away with a slap on the wrist.  I avoided trial and took a plea because I was just broken from everything.  I have had NC for 2.5 months, but unfortunately this also means the same with my daughter.  She is doing everything to keep her away from me, and it seems as if she is treating her as a possession.  I talk to her father and her sister daily to get updates, and my mother is going out where she is in a week to try and see my daughter.  Scary thing... .   I have to go out there for work in a month, and I really want to see my daughter, but the feelings... . They still exist.  I can't lie.  I still love her even after everything she has done to me.  Her sister tells me that she stalks everything I do, which I find odd, but I do everything to make sure I never do anything to look at her social media.  Also, I filed for divorce yesterday, so I think that is a big step forward.

good luck to you.  someday she may be out of your system, and you'll feel different.  hang in there... . xo

Hi Goingforth!

I can only imagine the anguish caused by being kept from your child. The children in these relationships add an element to moving on that makes it a challenge to heal yourself, and keep your children safe and healthy at the same time. I hope that by having contact with your Mom, and through her sister, your daughter will know that you love her and want to be with her. Thank goodness for that!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as I do all of our members, for strength and peace. Please keep us posted as to the progress, and talk about it here if you find it helpful!

Best Wishes,

Val78

It sounds healthy that you filed for divorce. 

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, walking away from her!

Probably because I had the first temporary protection order (PTO) based on evidence my ex had threatened me, my ex didn't make DV allegations for the first few years post-separation.  Instead she made child abuse allegations, each one slightly different from the failed ones before, and tried every way possible to block my father-son contact and relationship.

However, family court won't allow for blocked parental contact, not without real basis.  This doesn't mean you will get contact with your child real quick.  Likely she will respond with her own set of counter-claims and counter allegations.  Likely the court will seek input from the local CPS or children services agency for their opinion or conclusions.  (I had a CPS investigator stand up at my first family court appearance and declare his agency had "no concerns" about me. It didn't stop the continuing stream of allegations, but at least someone other than my then-stbEx was there to talk honestly about me.  Sadly, I hadn't made allegations about her abusing a child, so CPS never spoke up about her.)

So you filing for divorce is a sad but necessary choice.  Seek as much parenting as possible, don't be timid to ask for what you feel is best for your child.  You're just as much the father as she is the mother, so don't just accept handing over your wallet, leaving your child behind and going away to restart your life elsewhere from scratch.  In my case, the Custody Evaluator's report stated that while ex could not share 'her' child, I could.  That meant a lot to the evaluator.  (In my case I started out with two years of temp orders as EOW father, then shared parenting and then legal custodian.  It wasn't quick, it wasn't easy, it may not have even been a typical outcome to reverse custodial status, but I did manage to accomplish it.)

Be glad you filed now.  In another couple months she would have lived elsewhere long enough (6 months) to declare separate residency and file there and then you would have been having to deal with a divorce in a place convenient for her and remote for you.  Now she will have to appear in your local court.

Expect your ex to continue to make extreme but unsubstantiated allegations.  Expect the court to be reluctant to call her out and state that she is "not credible" - courtspeak for 'liar!'.  Expect the unexpected because it WILL happen.


You still feel for her?  Not surprising.  It's hard, it takes time to turn off our feelings - or accept huge changes to our reality.  But beware meanwhile that your feelings could sabotage you and your parenting somehow.  If you try to restart the relationship, she could turn around and claim you're 'harassing' her - a very serious matter.  If she is the one who tried to get back together, beware that too.  That friendliness probably won't last when her good/bad cycling switches back, or she might do it just to get you exposed to fresh allegations.  Remember, she is thinking only about herself, her feelings and her perceptions.  She can change direction in a moment - a moment of rage, a moment of retaliation, a moment of whatever.

Do you have our recommended separation and divorce handbook by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger?

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Probably you'll need to post again to the Family Law, Divorce & Custody board where you can get focused assistance, support and ideas.

So sorry you're going thru this.  Especially when NC means that you can't see your dgtr.