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Title: I want to reach out to offer sympathy... but I'm scared. Post by: expos on June 18, 2013, 07:19:07 PM Sometimes I'm so sad about the end of our marriage which was finalized last November, I feel like reaching out to my undiagnosed ex-BPD wife for sympathy just to see if she is OK.
I've been really good about no contact. I made it to 70 days once (we had to meet up for financial matters and she treated me badly ), and 101 days recently where she was sort of pleasant on the phone (she still has some of my belongings and I asked for them back) but we didn't get into the specifics or talk personal matters. It was a short conversation. Has anyone re-established contact with a BPD ex after a long layoff? What was the result? Were you still split you black? Title: Re: I want to reach out to offer sympathy... but I'm scared. Post by: Clearmind on June 18, 2013, 07:22:12 PM expos, look out for you. Healing requires some introspection as to the Why's - Why do you want to make contact/provide sympathy? Where does this stem from? - whats the underlying emotion?
Title: Re: I want to reach out to offer sympathy... but I'm scared. Post by: marbleloser on June 18, 2013, 07:57:41 PM "Has anyone re-established contact with a BPD ex after a long layoff? What was the result? Were you still split you black?"
I did expos.For two reasons.To see if I would notice the behavior and to be able to come back here and give something back to a forum that helped me so much. It's not the same when you go back expos.I'm not sure if any RS is.Was I still split black? No,I never was split black from her.I could call her now and she'd be over probably.But,I've seen the thinking on her part.I've seen the deception as it's taking place.I've seen the need for constant attention.I've caught the untruths as the unfolded.I've seen her mind racing and always needing something going as a distraction from her own thoughts.I've seen her steal from work with no regard. For me,I could never trust her again.I constantly was on alert when together. It was exhausting,honestly.We had fun times as well,but I realised it wasn't what I wanted.I left with the control.It was a good feeling. She did steal my fabric softener and dryer sheets from me.I had to stick to my boundary of soft,non static, clothing. :) It's ok to be sad and mourn your marriage.It's the healthy thing to do.You need to feel these emotions,in order to get yourself through them. |