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I'm absolutely sick to my stomach.  We agreed that we wanted to spend our wedding night alone.  Now I just found out that his son (who causes so much trouble in our relationship) is planning to come up for the wedding.  He'll no doubt spend the night because he lives 3 hrs away.  I'm out of my mind with this.  I don't want him here.  

Has it been confirmed that he will stay with you?

No, but he has nowhere else to stay and he's playing a music gig in the afternoon before he heads up here so he'll have been drinking.  This is a very big issue for me.  Whenever he comes up here, he wants to stay up all night partying (he does it at home too) and that's not what my bf and I talked about.  He was the one that said he just wanted it to be the two of us and then changed his mind and wanted a few close friends, but he said "I want everyone to be out of here by midnight."  The way his son guzzles beer, he'll not likely tell him to leave because it would be dangerous.  Grrrrrrrrrrr!  Catch 22.  I can't tell him that his son isn't welcome, but I just don't know how to set a boundary on this.

Call him a cab?

What prevents you (or son) from getting a hotel room?v

We live out in the country.  Finding a cab would be a challenge, but I could look into it.  I don't want to have to leave.  We made an agreement based on my fiance's desires.  I un-invited 40 people to our wedding because he was feeling overwhelmed and just wanted it to be the two of us.  Then he changed his mind and said he wanted just a few close friends.  His son (and likely another friend of theirs) will be up all night drinking and playing music and my fiance always lets himself get caught up in that.  I've got a miserable cold.  I haven't slept well in days.  I've been working every day for the past 3 weeks and I was really looking forward to a peaceful weekend.  This just sucks the life out of me.  Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing, but the pattern of the past has my skin crawling right now.

It's your wedding.  You are not over-reacting.  I got married to my exH (not the BPD man I'm on here about) for financial reasons -- not very romantic.  After the "ceremony," a judge wedding with my family present, they took us out for dinner and then we went home.  He got drunk and talked about how unimportant it was for him.

I thought it didn't matter to me -- I'd long ago let go of aspirations of marriage, I thought -- but it was just awful having what people thing of as the moment to celebrate one another be so trashed by my "partner."  In some ways, we never got over this.

I hope it all goes differently than it feels to you like it might right now.   

Thanks, P&C.  I spoke to him last night about this and it almost turned ugly.  I have made it clear that I don't want a drunken free for all tonight.  Perhaps he'll find a way to make this not be the case.  Guess we'll see.

This is your wedding day right?  Congratulations, RL, and hope it is a wonderful day/evening/night.

Many thanks!  The weather is perfect for a moonlight wedding and some friends came yesterday to help get the yard cleaned up.

I just found out that his son's music gig time has changed to 4pm-7pm.  My fiance told him "it's all good because we're not having a big party any way."  I hope he takes the hint because I certainly don't want him showing up after 10pm!  Most likely he won't come and that's just fine with me.

I've been grinning like a Cheshire cat since I woke this morning.  Life is good.

Congratulations, Rockylove!  I also hope it's as wonderful as you dreamed it would be!

Oh happy day, Rockylove! Wishing you only the very best!

Thank you so much!  The wedding was perfect.  The evening was perfect.  Everyone left by midnight (after they cleaned up everything and put away all the leftovers~~I do love our friends!)  We're beginning a new chapter in this crazy thing we call life... . and I'm welcoming it~~challenges and all.

What a wonderful night for a moon-dance!

Congratulations, Rockylove!  Keep rocking those lessons you've learned here. |iiii

Yes, KateCat!  We had a whole set list of moon & dance songs playing :) 

The wedding would never have happened had it not been for the lessons I've learned here.  I can't begin to tell you all how valuable all of this has been for me and ultimately our relationship.  I know there will be snags and some setbacks, but I know how to keep myself from going down if the ship starts to sink and for that I owe all of you much gratitude.

Congratulations Rockylove! 

That's wonderful news!

  Congrats Rockylove and wish you all the best in the days that follow.  And remember, we're always here for you  

Thank you, Chosen.  I'll not stray far from the board or the lessons.  Things have changed because I've changed, but I know that I need to continue to remind myself of what I need to do in order to stay mentally healthy~~it's an ongoing process and I intend to continue to educate myself and grow spiritually and mentally stronger.

Congratulations to you!