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I had a big blow up with my udxBPDh last night.  We've been arguing more and more than ever before.  I want out of this relationship, but it's been really hard to come forward honestly.  I've been withdrawn and distant for the last few weeks.

My udxBPDh has a family history of suicides.  His mom shot herself when he was 3 on their front porch and his dad shot himself in his backyard 3 years ago.  ( They were never married and separated when he was 2 1/2).

So, back to last night.  We get in this big fight he storms out of the room very angry saying he's a f**ckn idiot and he should go shoot himself.  I had my back to him in the bed and heard him open the closet door.  (He does keep a gun in there) My heart dropped.  I waited for the sound of a click, but heard nothing.)  He did get something from the closet, but not sure what.  Maybe clothes... .   He proceeded down the stairs to the living room where the kids where sleeping on the couch watching movies, both 10 & 7.  I layed there paralyzed.  Still listening for any sounds.  Nothing.  He comes back up stairs.  Wanting to fight again. 

I can't do this anymore.  This should be my breaking point right?  He could fly off the handle and kill us, himself... . it happens all the time.

Please give me some advice.  What should be my first step for protection?  I am a stay at home mom.

Hi Drama!

Do you have access to a domestic violence hotline? If you don't know how to get in touch with someone, I can help you!

You have to do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children, and if you feel you are in danger, please take immediate action!

Best Wishes,

Val78

Hi Val78,

Just spoke with him on the phone.  He is at work and explained the reason he said that was to get a reaction out of me.  He seems to think I don't care about him.  I just don't play little immature games and he likes to play mind games alot.

I told him I took it very serious and what's to say he wasn't in his right mind and took all of us "out" in his fit of rage.  He says "oh I would never do that!"  Yeah... . never say never.  Angry spouses do it all the time.  Especially when they are trying to get a reaction out of the other spouse.

I had the courage to tell him that I think it's best we end it this relationship for the kids sake.  Last night was the final straw.  He says he's gonna get his things this weekend.

Thank you and I'll let you know if something else comes up. 

Hello drama

Welcome. Sounds like your H really scared you last night and from his family history it's understandable how it could. Is he in T? Would it be possible to work this out by removing any means for him to shoot himself? Would you feel more comfortable if there wasn't a gun in your home?

I feel im in a similar situation his living with his girlfriend but when i sent a email saying i quit work to be at home not something iv done lightly and that he must find accommidation when he comes to see the kids he, he lives 3 hours away anyways he flipped and tried to commit suidice but is denying he did. He hit me when i was pregnant with our son 4 years ago sweet forgiving stupid me didnt remember till i came back on these boards and read my logs pure fear washed over me and hence i left work, he looked after the children in my home while i went to work on weekends nights. Last weekend he show aggression verbally when i said we cant be friends "I feel like **** hitting your head off your shoulders! centimeters from my face kids very close by.  There is much more but point is they are very unstable during the assault when i was trying to leave the house he was kicking my feet that i was holding wall to balance when i asked why he said its the only way to get a reaction from you there where countless suicide attempts which thank to my logs on were swiftly unlocked in my memory. Think of your children and yourself i have a 8 year old daughter and a 4 year old son that adore their father still trying to cope with him being in my presence just seeing him on skype ever night sends my mind into turmoil! and that is just a glimse because i try not to be in the room when he skypes the children i stay close but sometimes have to break up fights etc so i see him. Just find what ever resource you can to put you in a safe place i dont know about you but i still care about this person but i know i can never have them in my home im pushing for the divorce and laying hoping he marrys this woman his with and leave me alone! Took my mother in law 12 years to get rid of my father in law who was just the same i pray im set free much sooner.