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Title: My Counterdependent BPD Post by: nolisan on June 22, 2013, 04:58:44 AM I go to a CoDA meeting and a woman there knew my ex. She described her as a "Counterdependent". I had never heard the term but it fits like a glove. Coupled with her BPD and my codependency it was quite the (sick) dance!
Here is a exerpt from www.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060913051538AAcIMeH. Anyone else have this in their ex? "Counterdependents Counterdependents reject and despise authority and often clash with authority figures (parents, boss, the law). Their sense of self-worth and their very self-identity are premised on and derived from (in other words, are dependent on) these acts of bravura and defiance. Counterdependents are fiercely independent, controlling, self-cantered, and aggressive. These behavior patterns are often the result of a deep-seated fear of intimacy. In an intimate relationship, the counterdependent feels enslaved, ensnared, and captive. Counterdependents are locked into "approach-avoidance repetition complex" cycles. Hesitant approach is followed by avoidance of commitment. They are "lone wolves" and bad team players. From my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited": "Counterdependence is a reaction formation. The counterdependent dreads his own weaknesses. He seeks to overcome them by projecting an image of omnipotence, omniscience, success, self-sufficiency, and superiority. Most "classical" (overt) narcissists are counterdependent. Their emotions and needs are buried under "scar tissue" which had formed, coalesced, and hardened during years of one form of abuse or another. Grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and overweening haughtiness usually hide gnawing insecurity and a fluctuating sense of self-worth." Title: Re: My Counterdependent BPD Post by: mango_flower on June 22, 2013, 05:30:19 AM I've never heard of this!
It's weird because straight away I thought "Oh this is SO not my ex, she's definitely co-dependent". But now I'm thinking that there are people at both ends of the spectrum (and I don't just mean BPDs) but also people in the middle. My ex was typically co-dependent, but it seemed to be on her terms. Towards the end she got very counter-dependent, doing the exact opposite ofco-dependency as I was devalued. This was interesting, thank you for posting! Title: Re: My Counterdependent BPD Post by: Ittookthislong on June 26, 2013, 09:03:12 PM yes that was my ex. funny though he was so weet when he needed something. id offer to pay for him, then down the road hed ask if I ever thought how that made him feel to have me paying for him... . seriously? he took every klind thing I did as reason to believe I wanted to trap him
when he left he said "you cant depend on me for happiness" if there is a such thing I think he is a nice NPD... . by that I mean that I don't think he is malignant or anything. his insecurities are obvious, but the lack of appreciation, and the hostility after helping or nurturing are a slap in the face. theres no winning |