BPDFamily.com

Hello, I was recently dumped by my BPD ex. We dated close to 11mo (are lesbians-a first time same sex relationship for me) and she dumped me about 4-5 times during the past year, usually over something like oversleeping or her not thinking I was serious enough about our relationship.

This last breakup happened when I cancelled dinner plans. My best friend of 25 years has unfriended me because I am gay. This was very hard for me and my ex basically said she was "done" (as she has many times before). During the next few days she called telling me she loved me and missed me, but made no attempt to re-connect.

Fast forward a week and she has gone back to her ex from 10yrs ago (the one who broke her heart) who ironically is going through a divorce and is still living with her own ex.

I should also add, the ex from 10yrs ago lives two states away.

When I found out I was hurt but met my ex to discuss and she told me she was torn. She hugged me for about fifteen minutes and we cried. We even went to dinner. After dinner she told me I was awful to her and she made the better choice going back to the ex. I wrote her a letter professing my love and she told me never to contact her again, we will never be intimate again and she would file a restraining order.

A week passed and I decided to block her off my Facebook. We weren't FB friends but all of a sudden her profile was public and she was flaunting she would be spending ten days with this woman within the next week, "the longest vacation she's ever had".

The next day after I blocked her she shows up at my spin class. At the breakup she told me I could have Saturdays and she would take Thursdays. I obliged. So she shows up and I catch her looking at me, being all social with everyone, very "on".

I am joining a new gym although this one is in my district (she joined because of me and is paying more to go there). Why would she show up? Is it because I took away FB and she cannot see me? Is it true if I just "dissapear" she will forget about me and give up? I wanted to save this relationship at one time but now that she has gone back to the person she was "besties" with our entire relationship I have completely lost faith and trust. I really need some advice.

Thank you!

Hi EA, Presumably you are here on the Leaving Board because you want to move on with your life.  Maybe if you can figure out why you were involved with a pwBPD, you might be able to step more confidently into the future.  I wonder if you are secretly hoping that she will return to you?  If so, that is a thankless vigil.  As many here can attest, recycling is generally an exercise in frustration that just postpones the inevitable.  Do you really want to go through that again?  Suggest you sit with your thoughts and just observe.  Hang in there, LuckyJim

Thanks Lucky Jim.  I know this is not a healthy situation it is just hard not blaming myself. I'm going to therapy and this message board is really helping me a lot.