BPDFamily.com

I've been really looking into myself lately rather than focusing on my husband. Let me tell you, I know I have issues. I would love to see a therapist but at this moment the money just isn't there. I am trying to work on reducing my anxiety. I'm actually a skin picker, I pick at my face when I'm stressed out. It gets to the point where I don't even want to leave my house when I'm really stressed out because my face looks so bad. I've also been very depressed lately.  Anyways, I have been reading on ways to reduce my stress and anxiety. One of them is to stop drinking coffee, so I'm going to give that a try. I can't really reduce the stress of life or my BPD husband. What are some ways you reduce your stress? I guess these could be things you do for yourself. I've been trying to breath (reading my husband's DBT book, has lots of breathing). I've been treating my acne, finally found something that is working. I'm trying not to touch my face, which is hard, really hard. It's kind of like fidgeting, it's just something I do and don't notice it. How do I continue to reduce my stress and anxiety when there are triggers for me coming up. I have been stressing about meeting my boss for the past two weeks, she just rescheduled so I'm gonna stress about it for another two weeks. And there are some legal things my husband is going through. Very stressful on him, which makes it very stressful on me. I'm sick of being so unhappy and full of anxiety.

Hi Cloudy Days, sorry to hear about your anxiety; it's hard to deal with while being "in" the midst of it. 

Have you thought about what you'll replace some of your coping methods with?  I don't know if coffee is necessarily a coping method, but I sure would miss it if it was gone.  What can you do/drink differently during coffee time?  Or when the urge to pick comes around, what is something you could do that would be beneficial?

I sometimes have to force myself to do an unpleasant task, something really mundane and blech, but get a lot of satisfaction after it's all said and done, which feeds into the feeling good vibes, which makes me want to do more things that make me feel good, which kinda perpetuates a feeling of accomplishment, which takes my mind off of the original method I'd use to cope lol

Also, if you're used to being on the go and 'doing', maybe take a break and read a magazine cover to cover. 

I guess just try different things and notice if you're feeling a little more relaxed and try not to feel guilty for feeling good!

Hi Cloudy,

My son (now 25) used teracyclene for his acne - he had it pretty bad and it cleared up.  It is an old antibiotic that was a bit of a miracle for him.  It is frequently prescribed for acne.  I believe he still uses it though i am not sure.  I know you didn't ask, but just thought I would suggest it in case you had not heard of it.

I love my coffee, but I may look into quitting coffee.  I am separated from my BPD wife, and my anxiety (and other psycho-maladies) soared through the roof.  I know everything should get better eventually - my life was unmanageable.  It still is, but at least i have a chance now.

When I remember breathing does help... .

And humor helps reduce anxiety - a friend emailed this to me today - I am codependent and these 12 steps are hilarious - adhered to too many of these, especially while being enmeshed with my wife's BPD, and I cannot help but to laugh at myself.  I really want to start going to CoDA meetings, but the closest one is 30 minutes away and my finances are thoroughly trashed, old car, etc.  Anyway, I laugh each time I read this... .


THE TWELVE STEPS OF INSANITY

1.   We admitted we were powerless over nothing – that we could manage our lives perfectly and those of anyone who would allow us.

2.   Came to believe that there was no power greater than ourselves and the rest of the world was insane.

3.   Made a decision to have our loved ones turn their wills and their lives over to our care even though they couldn’t understand us at all.

4.   Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone we knew.

5.   Admitted to the whole world the exact nature of everyone else’s wrongs.

6.   We’re entirely ready to make others give us the respect we thought we deserved.

7.   Demanded others do our will because we were always enlightened.

8.   Made a list of all persons who had harmed us and became willing to go to any lengths to get even with them all.

9.   Got direct revenge on such people wherever possible except when to do so would cost us our lives or at the very least a jail sentence.

10.   Continued to take inventory of others and when they were wrong promptly told them about it.

11.   Sought through complaining and medication to improve our relations with others as we could not understand them at all, asking only that they do things our way.

12.   Having had a complete physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame it on others and to get sympathy and pity in all our affairs.

Author unknown

I never thought coffee was a coping mechanism, just something I love the taste of in the morning... . lol, But I realized that it gives me a lot of energy that is not needed. It's nervous energy and I don't need any help with being more nervous. I am the type of person that researches everything and what I found is that people with high anxiety should not drink caffeine. Heck they tell my husband not to drink caffeine, and I can totally tell the difference in him when he does! Especially with the picking thing, when I have more nervous energy I really can't help myself but pick. I haven't figured out what I am going to replace it with yet. Just the breathing so far, seems to calm me down enough to make me not want to. I really like to read though so maybe I will buy a new book to get lost in :)

Thanks for the laugh, I am certainly Codependent as well, it's good to see things in a humorous manner, If we take everything so seriously all the time then we would never be happy. I am actually getting somewhere with my acne, I just have to stop touching my face and I think I can get it cleared up. I would probably have clear skin if I stopped touching my face. I hate it, I don't ever realize that I do it most of the time. Anyways, I feel good without the coffee, I have less energy but that may be a good thing since the extra energy was just causing me emotional problems.

I totally understand about the anxiety!  I found myself more anxious than ever when I was with my uBPDxbf. 

I started drinking chamomile and other, relaxing teas to help me sleep at night back then.  Then, I went from two espressos to one in the mornings.  If I felt the urge to drink another cup of something, I'd have a cup of non-caffeinated tea.  In my anxious state, a cup of chamomile tea wasn't going to put me to sleep, so I could drink that anytime of day then just to help calm my nerves.  Cutting my caffeine consumption did help.  So did mindfulness meditation and getting plenty of exercise.

Good point about the humor.  "If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane," as Jimmy Buffet says.

Coffee does taste good. Decaf tastes about the same, but doesn't have the same physiological impacts on me, or at least way less of them. No need to give up the taste!

As for humor, this song (Hypo full of love by Alabama 3) is the funniest version of 12 steps I've heard. The lyrics are incredibly not-safe-for-work! www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcVdCqI-QLc

As for a serious suggestion, I think that mindfulness meditation or DBT exercises (which drew from that kind of meditation) could help a lot.

Thanks for the suggestions! I've found some great stuff to read to keep my mind off of things. I've also stopped the coffee, had some yesterday as a Sunday treat... . lol, I think I may switch decaff at some point. Anxiety has been ok, we'll see how it goes next week, it's another big stress week and it's going to really test me and my husband.

I second the suggestion for mindfulness. I was torn between exwife and pwBPD, to point of having hives. Doctor suggested therapist, he had me read Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth"... . and suggested searching on mindfulness exercises... . they are easy, you don't break a sweat, and the difference was staggering. Had tried anti-anxiety meds and they all made me feel messed up mentally ... . mindfulness is being in the here and now, not fretting about what was or worrying about what could or might be... . and once you get in to the habit of it, your stress drops like a rock. Started enjoying interacting with people rather than planning or fretting all the time.