BPDFamily.com

It's been 6 months since the breakup, and I still don't feel any happiness at all. I tried moving on to other girls, I tried doing things that normally have always made me happy, I've tried exercise and I've tried therapy. Still nothing... . not even a glimmer of hope. It just hurts and I don't know what to do... . I cried for at least 30 minutes the other evening in missing this person that basically couldn't care if I existed... . And I hate myself for that... . I also picked up a pack of cigarettes for the first time in 2 months.

I started with a new therapist and I'm not sure how it's going to work.  She's a bit of a soft talker and there's a lot of the "it sounds like it is overwhelming" (what gave it away?  me coming into your office and breaking down in tears? how intuitive!)  "how did that make you feel" and other cliches.  It's definitely releasing some emotions in any case... .    

Sorry to read you're hurting. It sounds like you're still grieving, which is a process that is different for each of us. When you go that deep it can take awhile to get your bearings. Beating up on yourself for having feelings adds more pain not less, as you may be finding out. The things you mentioned, trying to help yourself get through--- Keep doing them. They may yet get you through. It's resetting yourself in healthier directions. If your therapist isn't quite right, see if there's a better one. In the meantime, as you said, there are some emotions coming to the surface. What are they telling you, where are they from? How can you use their momentum to help yourself get through this?

If you work through the stuff on this website you might find some relief. It sounds like you need to heal yourself.

www.sfhelp.org (http://www.sfhelp.org)

From my perspective you are stuck in certain stage, and you need to find a way out. Your new T definitely does not sound very helpful, maybe you could find another that has more... . assertive style and approach?

My take is that what keeps you stuck is something in you, not your ex. You have something that needs to be discovered. It might be your family, some pattern you have repeated. Your mind can keep you concentrated in your ex all the time so that you won't see what the problem really is. That is what happened to me. It is a defense-mechanism, you did not choose it, it chose you. Now you have to choose to get rid of it, and see what the real problem is. T asking "how you feel" is not what you need. You need a T who asks hard questions.

You never know before you know, you know 

Thanks -I think you are right, that it is a defense mechanism designed to keep me stuck. 

About an hour ago, a coworker of mine made me laugh harder than i've laughed in a long time. I think I might have even felt... . joy... . woah.  I forgot how much I enjoyed that.