BPDFamily.com

In another thread, a person posted:


The above hit home with me because "time" issues seem to cause a LOT of anger with my H.

For example:

H and I were in a brand new very large grocery story. He was in one area and I was in another.  He called me on my cell phone and asked if I was ready to go to the cash register. I said that I had to get 2 more things and then I'd meet him at the register.  When I got to the register, H looked annoyed.  My phone rang at that moment, and it was my son.  When H and I got into the car, he started raging about how I kept him waiting at the register for 15 minutes.  I knew that it had only been a few minutes.  Then I realized that the time stamps from the two cell phone calls (one from H, one from my son) would show how long I really took.  I pulled out my phone to check, and sure enough, there was only 4 minutes between the two calls.  I showed it to my H who had to admit that he was wrong, but no apology for yelling!.  Now in hindsight, I'm sure that finding out that he was wrong probably caused some kind of internal dysregulation that probably surfaced again later that evening or the next day.

The above is just one of many, many, many examples that I could give about how H would be very wrong about "time issues" but unfortunately, most times I didnt' have "irrefutable proof" that he was wrong.

I guess some might say that while H was waiting at the cash register he had feelings of abandonment.  I don't think that's the case.  It's not like he thought that I had taken off somewhere. He just thought that I was being selfish and inconsiderate for making him wait "15 minutes" - so that must mean that I don't think he's important.

So, my question is:

Do pwBPD have trouble with "time"?

I believe my dBPD/NPDw says it best... . "I want what I want when I want it"... . In this case it was you checking out when he was ready... . 1 minute... . 20 minutes... . it's all the same to them when they are not getting what they want.  BTW, DW also added to above quote... . " I'm just like a 3 year old"... . I still get creeped out when I talk about this... . She's 50 BTW... .

I never experiences something similar.

I just think it's all about their ego: they want something and it should be there immediately.

my exBPDg/f has asked me many times after break ups how long was she gone and said she did even know why she left

I think you're right.  They're not getting what they want, whether it's 1 minute waiting or 20.



Hey, I'm impressed that your W even acknowledges that her behavior is immature. That would be the last thing my H would admit to.


I've mentioned this before, but my H is a HORRIBLE SORE LOSER.  If he loses a card game or a sports game (tennis, golf, etc), then he gets very made and dysregulates. If his favorite team loses a game, he dysregulates.   

He readily admits that he's a sore loser. He laughs about it later; thinks that his behavior is funny.  (It's not).  But, he never says that he's like a "3 year old."

I once asked him why he's a sore loser and he said it's because he feels that he deserves to win (that he or his team is better than the opposition).  Entitlement and narcissism rearing its ugly face.

She actually says it quite often and actually gets mad at me because I don't go along with it.  H$ll she even said while we were in a T session to the T!  Forgive me for saying this but that most disagree or hide the fact seems normal... . But for her to readily admit it... . come on now... . it has to creep all of you out too... . right? 

Oh... . and here's another creepy one for you all... . A post it she has on her computer screen.  "Think like a child, be like a child, live like a child".  Peter pan syndrome anyone... .

My H's motto is "live for today," which is a similar immature attitude. When H came home from rehab, he brought home a pile of "work sheets" that he had done while there. He had "live for today" written on many of them. I guess the T's at rehab don't review what the patients are writing.  My sister, a T, said that "live for today" attitude is what got him into trouble to begin with.

Just like you, SadWifeofBPD, I've experienced the same similar time issues with my BPD boyfriend. It's like he either doesn't understand basic time/calendars or he over exaggerates. For instance, when I traveled out of state this past Dec to see my family for the holiday season, he complained that I'd be gone for "over 2 months!"

Well, no, not exactly... . 3 weeks is less than a month. Two months would have meant I would be gone from mid-Dec to mid-Feb.

With him, 10 minutes can seem like 2 hours... .

Yes.  I forgot that the time confusion also extends to days, weeks, etc.  With my H, everything happened either yesterday, last week, or last year.   

If he wants to golf, he'll swear that he hasn't golfed in 6 weeks, but then I'll show him the family calendar that shows that he golfed last weekend or the weekend before. 

If something happened 3 days ago, then to him it was yesterday.   It if happened 3 weeks ago, then it was last week. 

No concept of time.