BPDFamily.com

Put on your seat belts for this one.  Let me add that my attempt at lightheartedness is almost exclusively due to the help I have received on this site.  Thanks to all.

My BPDso, who flew to another city three days after out split to sleep with a man she met on Facebook, and who had dome something similar previously when we were together has become a stripper and lap dancer to make ends meet.  With us no longer splitting the bills, she feels it is necessary for her.

Of course it hurts and I hate that she is doing it.  That is my selfish response.   But I also am very worried about her.  I still love her, and while i realize that getting back with her would not be the best thing for me, I still care about her and her future.  She is a very professional women and public advocate who is developing a reputation she must protect.  On the other hand, she is unstable as are most of the subjects of this site.  I am worried for her because, like most BPD's she is petrified to be alone.  Her new boy friend, who had encouraged her to do this, lives out of town and she now has weekends free.  Her work as a stripper will fill that void, and she will not evaluate its impact on her life.  I know her better than anyone on the planet; Eventually, she will start to internalize what she is doing and not like herself very much leading to a crash.  Again, like many BPD sufferers, she deep down has this sense that she is "bad."   Worse, I am concerned that some jerk with a cell phone will snap a photo and she will never live it down; or worse, still, one of her clients will be... . well... . one of her night clients.  All this, plus the environment of that type of business which involves easy money, drugs and the like.

So, I want to have a heart to heart with her, or otherwise help her in some way.  But I also know that she may just get angry and withdraw.  I will also accept any advice about where this kind of behavior comes from.  While I am in a much better place than I was three months ago, I still stuggls with all this.

Thanks

Realistically, what do you think will happen if you have this heart to heart?  What are the chances that she says "you know, you're right!  thanks for pointing that out."

I say this as someone who recently felt impelled to share some of my wise thinking with my ubPDex, about a mistake I thought he was making about his own life.  (I actually still think it was important to voice my views, though probably differently than I did -- because in part I was objecting to his sudden abandonment of our r/s, which I do think I get to have a voice about.)  Anyway, it didn't result in him concluding he'd made a big mistake.  If anything it drove him into a more committed position on his current course.

So -- why?  Why would you do it, if you agree with me it is unlikely to lead her to want to change her behavior?