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My h has been trying to get everyone in the house in trouble for stupid things.  For instance like leaving the bedroom door open so a cat can get in.  (Come to find out after yelling at me for it, he was the only one who even went in),  and this happened twice in the same day.  And the kids are good kids... . but any little thing they are in trouble for.  How can i get him to choose his battles rather than looking closely to start one?  Does anyone else have this problem?

Hi Kimberly.   

That's very frustrating behavior.  My wife acts the same way sometimes.

Unfortunately, any question that starts with "how do I get him to . . . ." is not really something anyone can answer.  We can't get them to change or be different people.  That's up to them.  They will change when, and if, they want to change. 

Focus on yourself.  When he yelled at you for something you didn't do - what did you do?  What are your boundaries around something like that?

I haven't found out a way to set a boundary for this.  It is like he walks around with a magnifying glass and super hearing.  Once i set a boundary i can keep it, but i am having trouble coming up with a solution.

Hi kimberlysc,

Good to see you around- haven't seen you here for some time!

pwBPDs are ultra-sensitive and extremely inflexible, which means that anything they don't like at that particular moment can set off a huge reaction.  You can be doing something in exactly the same way as you've always done it, but their reaction may be completely different.  Unfortunately we can't change any of it unless they feel something's wrong with the way they express themselves. 

Pehaps one of the boundaries can be that if he yells at you (for whatever), you will not respond to it until he uses a "normal" tone to speak to you?

This is so true.  I deal with the same thing when it comes to my kids (his stepkids). You are not alone.  I have stopped trying to tell him he shouldn't feel the way he feels.  There's just no point.  One day he will freak out about my son drumming with his hands on the table, a week later it won't phase him at all.  It's no longer about trying to figure him out - now it's just about protecting my boundaries when it happens. 


OMG I can relate to that... . he is highly sensitive to sounds and seems to notice everything.   

Glad to hear that we are not the only ones in this.  I am curious at how many peoples SO's are left handed and if maybe the brains of leff handed people are just much more advanced.