BPDFamily.com

I won't waste anyone's time with my story.   It is almost exactly the same one as all you have either posted or are here to see if you are in the same boat as myself.   

After 9 mos. of the impossible emotional roller coaster of being in a relationship with a BPD, I have come to the conclusion no matter the pain I will be going through I must end this relationship with her and end it once and for all and never look back.

Luckily I am involved with a 12 step program and I am blessed to have my program and a support base already in place.  I am, I admit, fearful of ending it, but my emotional health cannot keep taking the daily blows.  I am aware of the pain that is to come and I know I must deal with life on life's terms and have a program there for me.

Where I need help/advice/input, please:   The "relationship" is long distance at the moment.  Has anyone been in a similar position?   Did you end it over the phone, in text, or how?  Then once you did, did you go cold turkey?

Thank ya'll very much for your words of wisdom.   My prayers go out to everyone who is going through this right now.  I never imagined anything besides what got me to my program could be so painful.

Hello cylec,

Remember me?  :)

My ex and I had a long distance relationship too.  He rage emailed me one day after my expressing how I felt about something that he didnt like.  He called me despicable names.

We broke up through email.  One of my weaknesses is his voice and I could not have managed it.

Do whatever you feel is best for you.  You are vulnerable right now, and they are good at pushing buttons.

Laelle,

yes, that certainly sounds familiar.   Thank you for all your help.   I would say you have no idea how much help you've been... . but I believe you do.

You and the others have been a Godsend.

Cyle

cylec,

I had recycled this relationship about 5 or 6 times.  I did everything I could possibly do to make this relationship work.  I learned all the skills and tools from the staying board and I could have stayed longer and possibly "managed" the relationship, but it wasnt enough for me.  I'm not willing to give up my needs and wants for anyone.  I'm not willing to play the bad guy role because I am not a bad guy.  I'm not willing to become a helpless victim because I am not helpless.  Even for someone that I felt I loved.

Those words above did not come easily, I have worked to obtain the voice I had lost.  I am working on getting my self value back from when I allowed him to take it from me.

I could not have done any of those things without someone else reaching out to me and telling me "I know how you feel, I have been there".

We are here for you, and we arent going anywhere.  Others will chime in shortly as well.  :)

  Laelle

  cyclec, I don't know your whole story, but this is a good question... .


I've been in long distance relationships or phases... . but never actually been the one to end any relationship (at least so far!)

Communicating anything serious in a relationship, I personally feel like the more direct the communications are, the better, which would prioritize it face-to-face first, voice second, and email/txt third. So much of our communications are non-verbal... . the more of that you include, the more sincere, open, and effective communications are.

But you also have to consider what you are capable of, and what it is worth. I wouldn't arrange a face-to-face meeting to break up. As Laelle said, she knew she couldn't do it by voice. Know yourself and choose appropriately.

The other question is what message do you want to convey?

I've been involved with a business/non-profit "breakup" and the best message I wanted to convey was a simple one:

"I'm done, I give up. I can't do this anymore." With a possible addition of "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

I figure that the "You did... . " "You didn't... . " "If only you had... . " "I had to do this because you... . " type statements are unkind and unnecessary.