BPDFamily.com

Looking back over all the people I've met, I'd say there were 17 individuals I've known who I beleive exhibited borderline/cluster b traits. In fact most of these I would argue flat out have a disorder, but at the very least they certaintly deserve the label of "belonging to the cluster B family".

17 and I'm only in my early 20's... .

So curious, how many borderlines/narcissists/histrionics/etc have you known?

Just the one I hope.   I married a woman who had quite strong narcissistic traits - that assessment was made by friends after our split but her actions give me no doubt. One BPD e is enough for me.  Has utterly destroyed me.  Think one is enough

Only one, but my mother has a lot of traits.

My ex (obviously, which is why I'm here  lol)

My second step-mother - I was too young to understand at the time, but now I know what BPD is, she was an even more extreme case than my ex!

One of my friends from my sports team - she doesn't do the sport anymore though, I'm about the only person she stays in touch with (I do wonder, am I a BPD magnet?)

A random guy who lives in my town who has befriended me on fb after meeting at a carnival here (I'm going off what I see on his fb though)

I know that seems quite a lot, but if I think how many people I actually know, through school, college, uni, sport, travelling... . it's really not that many.

The common theme is that they all seem to "attach" to me moreso than they do to most other people... .

Hmmmmm.  

Only one... . my expwBPD... . and that was one too many... . utterly and systematically destroyed my life, my finances, my self esteem... . awful experience from which I doubt I will  ever recover. :'(

I've always attracted people with emotional problems (not that I don't have them myself) because I'm a good listener and show interest in them. Moving forward, I have to learn to stop emitting "available" signals to these types.

Xenia,

I have come to the conclusion that being a good listener and trying to help people is NOT the way forward.It has certainly done me no favours... . I am trying very hard to turn into a b***h.I have a few friends who are very good at it... . and they always seem to get what they want

I've thought of this many times... . looking back I can say

- 1st x wife

- 2nd x wife

hs gf

3 other misc girls I dated

funny thing is, the one's that werent didnt excite me enough to keep my interest so I ultimately dumpped them?

WOW... . What the heck is with ME?  LOL

MCC

A very good question.

Most people exhibit certain traits throughout the cluster spectrums. It's sometimes quite difficult to distinguish between someone with an actual disorder compared to someone who just exhibits certain traits, without a detailed assessment. So some people can come across as Borderline but not to the extent of having a personality disorder, which makes the question quite difficult to answer in that sense. I even recognise some of the traits in myself.

Had this question been asked a few months ago, I would have said just my exBPDw and the reason I'm here.

However, working through my past with my T (because I follow a similar pattern as mango and xenia here) we figured there were far more than I originally suspected. My T even put my mother in that category but said without a diagnosis he couldn't say if she was pwBPD or just exhibited many traits. There were serious similarities between my ex, my mother and her mother based on what we had both told him. So there is 3 to start with. I know now I have had a previous relationship with a pwBPD but that ended briefly before there was any serious attachment. There are also several old friends, a couple of teachers and so on.

If I was to put a figure on it, at least 10 people but only one had such an adverse effect on me that brought me to this site.

Looking back on my life I believe that the four women I was closest to/dated the longest were all BPD. I agree with MCC that the excitement and intensity attracts me to them.

Yes, I've always felt it made me noble. I didn't begin thinking that way, but if at some point being a listener got to be too much, I stuck it out because it was my "duty" (the Lonely Child schema talks about this, I think). I understand what you mean about wanting to turn into a b***h. I think this is why we need to work on boundaries. It doesn't have to be at either extreme. I have a good friend now who's a great listener, and he is a healthy person. I know it's no coincidence that he's in my life now, because through this relationship I am learning what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. It's an amazing thing.

Im seeing stats online that say roughly 10-15% of the genral population exhibits these traits. Believe able but I's still think a bit of a conservative estimate. I am by the waytrying to consider everyone I've known, inclusinging brief aquaintences, but still... . why is my number so large >_<?

Not so sure i believe the 2% figure taht is assigned specifically to BPD though... . sounds very conservative. Thoughts?

Hmm, think about that kind hard working neighbour with the kind of crazy acting withdrawn wife. Was he BPD?

Think about the teacher who thought you were golden but verbally taunted another child. Was he BPD?

Think about your coworker who everyone likes. She's the one who brings cookies and cake to work and subtly puts you down and undermines you when she gets the chance and then says she didn't mean it the way it sounded. Is she BPD?

Think about your understanding physician. When he goes home his wife and children are held to his idealistic ideas of behaviour. Is he BPD?

We really can't  know.  What I am learning to recognize are:

- unhealthy ways of inter acting

- allowing others inappropriately into my trust

- gas lighting actions

-being aware of liars and not just trusting someone's word when it doesn't make sense 

- the need to walk away as much as is possible from people who exhibit these kind of behaviours and if walking away is not possible to set firm boundaries.

- they are not my behaviours nor did I provoke them and I most especially am not responsible for them.

Great thought take flight.