BPDFamily.com

Hello. I'm Phoebe. My mother has BPD. I am seventeen years old.

I've had a rough childhood, as many of you may understand. My mother also abuses prescription drugs, and alcohol. Besides her disorder, a lot of negativity has happened in my life that has greatly effected how she acts, as well as the rest of my family. Recently, my moms dad passed away, and a few weeks later, her brother commit suicide. It has been a rough month.

I fear that I am not being as understanding as I could be. But my mother is being abusive. She is spitting verbal abuse and profanity at us constantly. My father just excuses it as always. I feel resentment and anger and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know if it's bad that I feel angry at her during times like these. I need someone to relate to how I'm feeling. I feel guilty that I'm angry at her during such hard times, but I also feel that she deserves to have me angry at her. It's so conflicting.  :'(

-Phoebe

Hi Phoebe

I want to commend you for reaching out and looking for a way to deal with all your family has been through recently.   Its a great thing you are doing for yourself. 

Unfortunately, our site requires the members to be at least 18 years old.  There are sites specifically for teens that can help.   Please check out www.teenhelp.org (http://www.teenhelp.org/)... .   Please know we will be here when you are 18 and look forward to hearing from you then.

I would also like to encourage you to talk to your school counselor or school social worker about your struggles right now.  Having a person to confide in can be very helpful.  I know you will find the right spot that will feel comfortable for you.  Finding the right kind of help is very important when you are first starting out.

babyducks

Hello,

Thank you for your kind words. My birthday is actually Saturday, so I will be 18 in a couple days. Is it okay if I keep my account and refrain from posting until then?

Hi Phoebe, I'm new to this site too but have learned a few ways of coping in Alanon:

1. I find it helpful to go silent or to minimal communication.

2. If she says why are you giving me the silent treatment I say: if you will get ahold of yourself and stop raging at me I'll be glad to talk with you. Or

3. I don't want to argue with you while you are drinking. Let's discuss it tomorrow.

Not sure if that will be of help to you but it has worked for me. Especially the first part. In Alanon we call it "detaching with love."

Alanon is great for anyone who is coping with another persons drinking. Since my wife also has BPD it has been indispensable. Good luck and know that most of the time you are not the problem even though they like to say you are.

Hello phoebelives  *welcome*

I'm sorry things have been so difficult with your mother.    It's painful when a parent lashes out towards us. We all get that here. I'm very sorry for your loss of your grandfather and you uncle. How are you doing with that?

A person with BPD has tremendous fears of abandonment so the loss of a parent, even if the relationship was poor, is a trigger of that fear. So it makes sense she is acting out right now, that doesn't make it easier for us sometimes however the understanding may help not to take her behaviors so personally.  


Absolutely, yes. I want to commend you for respecting the guidelines here and for having the courage to reach out for support for yourself. You've come to the right place for that support. We will see you on Saturday if you feel comfortable continuing this conversation then. Take good care of you.  

It helps me to look at my uBPDw as a sick person . She is: mentally unstable, drinks and rages. It's an illness. Anger at this behavior is normal and human. What I do about it is important. I want to be loving and kind but not a doormat. If she is not responding to positive gestures, which she frequently does not, then I remove myself,if not physically,at least emotionally. I become unavailable for argumentation and other dysfunctional behavior. It helps. Good luck and stay connected. Lots of help on this site.