BPDFamily.com

My ex pwBPD dumped me on April Fools Day. She officially declared herself single today... . Independence Day. Have to love the irony.

This has thrown me some. Ripped some scars off. Don't think it is going to devastate me. But, it sure as hell smarts.

Hey Mcauleyan!

I'm sure it does hurt. It's cruel to hurt someone with intention!

How do you know anything about what she is doing? Her declaration of independence, I mean.

If she is doing anything that hurts you, why are you putting yourself in a position to hear, or see anything?

Best Wishes,

Val78

With all due respect Val, I resent this post. You are making assumptions and judgment's about my behavior that are unwarranted and unappreciated.

The queer community is small. If you want to have a life, you run into exes more frequently than straight folk would. That is reality.

Plus, I don't choose to live in a protective bubble as a hermit just to avoid stuff.  

Strength does not come from avoidance. Strength comes from learning how to deal with stuff when it finds its way to your doorstep.  Strength comes from facing stuff head on, knowing you can find your way out the other end with your head held high. Strength comes from desensitizing yourself to the negative effects of something.

I don't believe in the stick your head in the sand and hope it goes away approach to life or problems. To me, that is giving the ex the power they crave. That is giving them the power to control your life, where you go, what you do, who you see, who you talk to, etc. No one is going to take my personal power away from me.

I am taking my life back. I am a strong woman. I am not going to shrink in fear because my feelings might get a lil bruised.

Hey Mccauleyan :)  I really don't think Val was trying to be anything other than supportive, and I didn't see any assumptions made - some of the replies I've had here I've thought "ouch!" but I think people are quite good at challenging here, which can be a good thing in the long run!  It's difficult not to feel attacked sometimes when you've been around a BPD for so long though!  Because often with them, there is an underlying meaning 

I know what you mean about the gay community, I'm super lucky that my ex moved a good few hours away, or I'm sure I'd be seeing and hearing a lot more than I am!

I've seen a lot of posts on here about holidays - my relationship didn't last long enough to go through the main ones with her  lol but there are plenty of others who have commented that holidays can be a massive trigger. x

McCauleyan,

You are a strong woman.  I absolutely know that about you.  And I sorry to hear that you are hurting.

I think it is a little different in the gay community because we are a small, isolated and insulated community.   Sometimes to our determent.

I know I bump into my Ex a lot.   About twice a week right now.  I suspect some of it might be deliberate on her part.

And I used the exact same phrase, almost, that you did.   I have Band-Aids over some of these wounds but not good solid scar tissue yet and it fires me up sometimes.   These are my feelings and I am responsible for them.   I will find the most appropriate and healthiest way to deal with them.   Somehow.  With Effort.

And so will you.

babyducks