BPDFamily.com

Until my therapy session yesterday, I had created 3 scenarios to explain my husband's behaviour and decided what my actions would be AFTER we see the psych in 2 weeks. 1) he's manic and has lost control over his thoughts. He will come out of it 2) he's got a personality disorder and knows exactly what he's doing 3) no diagnosis but I didn't really think this was possible after knowing him for 8 yrs.

I've been behaving hoping and praying it's 1) and I would get my husband back like I did when this happened 2 yrs ago. I would be patient and loving and would wait it out and the psych would give him meds to help him. My therapist pointed out I need to be prepared for 2) and realize that there's a possibility that he has not developed an identity for himself and that he's very smart and adaptable. There may not have been a "normal" which is my basis for saying that his recent narc behaviour is "crazy". He may be having an identity crisis and desperately seeking acceptance for who he's trying to become or thinks he is right now, driven by some depression.

My approach of love and patience might be making the behaviour worse, letting him get away with things that are not acceptable. I am scared and having a tough time accepting the possibility that he may be doing these things in control and that he is so lost and confused about himself.

What's even scarier is that I felt we may have some answers soon but can I live this this for months until we figure out what's wrong and if it can be fixed?

I'm really confused, I think the answer is more complex than I had anticipated and a diagnosis won't be very easy... .

I completely understand. I have been in a similar situation with my BPD/Bipolar husband. We got the diagnosis of bipolar two years ago, he did really well with the first round of meds and became an excellent husband and father. He later started to revert to his old ways but was more over the top than he had been. New rounds of medications, not much improvement, however, I went to a NAMI family to family course and realized his symptoms more or less matched all 8 criteria for BPD you only need 5 for a diagnosis, I brought this to his psychiatrist who simply stated that he is both. He does really well on antidepressant, antianxiety and mild anti-psychotic medications, however, his psych does not realize the pattern, even though I have explained it several times. He keeps hitting him hard with the anti-psychotics and less with anti-depressants. We keep going through cycles. I think it is good you have your own therapist, something I need but have not had time for, I do EVERYTHING for our family, including scheduling his appointments and picking up his med, putting them into the container, and setting alarm reminders to take them.

It is not an easy diagnosis or thing to fix. I have a really tough time keeping track of which husband I am going home to and worry at the slightest change in mood. It is a tough road, I am undecided whether I can do it again or not too and we seem to be on the same kind of timeframe for crisis.

I too am confused about an UD/BPD significant other... . I am pretty confident she is either BPD or BiPloar 2- but how does one get them to respond-- do they really have empathy? I am really struggling to make things work but at what cost? On occasion I even get the sense that her actions are intentional to make me react, to quit and walk away. So her response then would be "see I told you, you would leave"... . I mean what gives here?