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Title: Do BPD's have an inability to attach? (Fear of abandonment AND attachment?) Post by: LovingLaura on July 05, 2013, 09:24:55 AM I'm aware of and have experienced profound abandonment issues... . [e.g. These acts created horrible outbursts/abrupt changes of heart about me and our relationship: I went to the bathroom, didn't put my arm around her at a concert, had to attend a business dinner, had to go home after 6 days (w/her) for one night to check things, pets, mail, laundry, etc., only called her once during a day bc I was in all day meetings, my text messages were "not as affectionate as usual," etc.]
My question is do BPDs have difficulty attaching? My gf accused me of being uncommitted to her and marriage and talked incessantly about being committed, marrying, "not wasting each other's time dating," etc... . But when I made life changing moves/changes, etc. that would seemingly have demonstrated commitment (bought an engagement ring, gave up my pets bc of her allergies, changed my master bathroom for her, etc.) she left me. (I don't think it was a coincidence her abrupt/inexplicable departure occurred coincidentally at the time I made these commitments/sacrifices.) Thank you all for your comments, advice and support. Hugs. Title: Re: Do BPD's have an inability to attach? (Fear of abandonment AND attachment?) Post by: patientandclear on July 05, 2013, 09:44:23 AM Yes, fear of engulfment, which I think may be better understood as fear you or attachment to you will overwhelm their fragile sense of individual self, is the other side of BPD.
My ex left me when we'd been incredibly close, and then I couldn't see him for almost a week, and I had laryngitis and couldn't talk by phone, and then when we did see each other, we tried to talk about how we'd have more time together, and I mentioned that I would move to be closer to him, and he imagined eventually moving in together, and then there was a tiny little episode of friction between him and my daughter, whom he was imagining living with, and that was it. So you can see, it was a perfect cocktail of abandonment and engulfment anxieties, and the emotional solution available to him was to get away entirely. Title: Re: Do BPD's have an inability to attach? (Fear of abandonment AND attachment?) Post by: LovingLaura on July 05, 2013, 09:53:22 AM Thank you. I appreciate your advice... . I'm sorry you had to experience that. I know it must have hurt.
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