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Well it´s been since around two weeks since I´ve gotten an sms or contact from my ex. She tried to call me, text me, show up at my house etc. But I went through it. Didn´t reply and I think she has given up. Well you never know?

I´m starting to feel better. Not as edgy and anxious but still having nightmares, some obsessive thinking, I miss her sometimes... . but still I feel it´s getting a little bit better. I sometimes wake up in the night thinking she is next to me or standing in my apartment. So weird.

Of course I wonder if she´s seeing someone else, probably but it´s for the best. I just really want this road to recovery to work.

I feel that i´m getting to be myself again. I´m socializing more, flirted a little bit during a night out but I feel me self confidence is really torn. It´s so amazing how a BPD relationship can tear you apart. I know it will take some time, but I´m ready for my future. I need to forgive and just get on with the good things in my life. Myself, my children, family and friends.

Of course I hope I will find love again. But right now I feel like I will be single forever :)

I just wanted to share how I´m feeling. But the biggest lesson is realizing how these 18 months of our relationship was turbulent and I was in no control of myself and my feelings. It´s like being stuck in mud. But it´s sure good to get out but it takes time and the good times hurt, the intimacy, the sex, her promises and admiration.

But I remind myself of the humiliation, lies, drama and the pain in my stomach everyday.

... . getting there step by step, I hope.

good for you stay strong learn all you can. i was into six years before i knew what was going. i learned so much here and healed a little each day.

learn all you can keep yourself busy it helps

  tomjon

good to hear from you and even better that you can improve slowly and steady. 

Believe me, you will find love again. It may need some time and its good to find some self love until this moment... .   :)

Keep going!  |iiii

Hey Tomjon!

You've made a lot of progress since you started posting here, bravo! This is a journey, a path to healing, and you've only just begun. Stay focused on yourself, and your mental well being, and you will be better for all of this!

Best Wishes,

Val78

Thank you Val and Surnia... . you and many others have been great help 

It´s still a long road to go... . but i´m a little better. I guess I could list my current feeling as in between the process of Self Inquiry and Processing stages.

Now I´m going to hug my beautiful children and have a nice evening (scandinavian time) 

|iiii

enjoy the scandinavian summer with your children!