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the pain has let up alot i feel more under control

find myself very made at ex  mostly when im alone

keep having flash backs to to good times, has we didnt yell or fight... . almost never, as she pushed everything in on herself... . deep depression for weeks at a time.

so many of the thing that pop into my head were for goten but when they pop up i start to recall the whole day. i need this stuff to stop

i find myself wanting something new more every day to cover up this pain... . i think thats how ppl with BPD do it seem to me now thats what ex did so amny times to keep from hurting over me.

i dont wanta fall into a mess like this again but wow do want this over

Simply,

I totally understand what your are going through. At times like this, my attempts to detour or block the feeling with the 'bad times' does not help after some days.

There is this emptiness in me that i feel even when i do things i would usually enjoy. Hang in there, things will be better i hope. We are humans, and there is no consistency in the intensity in how we feel about something over a period of time.

Time might not completely heal the wounds, but it does lessen the pain and hopefully in time we make 'better memories' that overide these old painful ones.

 to you.

Let whatever happens be okay - then realize that you are responsible for how you feel. You are playing your own mind-movies in your own head.

When I was going through this emotional pain, I came to realize that I was addicted to the chemicals that were released in my body. It felt "normal" - just like when I was with my NPD/BPD husband.

So I worked to train my mind to come back into the present moment every time I caught myself drifting into bad feelings. Sometimes all I could do was clap my hands together to defuse the thought cycle.

If you can gain a momentary break, think of one thing you feel grateful for or happy about. For me it was the feeling of a warm, soothing shower on my skin, or the beautiful clouds in a blue sky.

Remember, you cannot really "think" about two things at once. The trick is to recognize the bad feelings and choose to distract your thought-loop with something pleasurable.

I hope this helps you break the cycle and break free of the self-inflicted torment. It worked for me.

Best regards,

Quicksilver Girl

thank you silver.

im trying to mkae myself change my thinking im going to give the claping thing a try


the pain only hits me now and then at this point

posting here helps alot