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Title: No Courage Post by: crystalclear on July 06, 2013, 11:04:10 AM It's been 2 months since i unplugged from FB. This has helped me quit stalking his, his family, his friends' and so much his wife's profile. It also helped me deal with pain and lessen the torture i would have gone through.
It did make me sad, as i was very active on FB and i was very care-free to post my views, my travel updates etc. I thought i would re-activate my profile when i am ready, and in a better place emotionally/mentally. The thought of seeing his updates of his wedding - pics etc and all that comes with it, sends chills to my spine. I am very scared - i do not yet have the courage to endure that pain to see him happily married to this new woman. To see everything, that we had once planned on having. We had discussed every detail of our wedding just 9 months ago. Nothing has changed for him - he went ahead to execute these plans with someone new. Extremenly hurting that i feel incapable of accepting the reality even after 5 months of the breakup, while he has moved on long ago. I am still grieving and feel empty. Title: Re: No Courage Post by: simplyasiam on July 06, 2013, 11:55:17 AM are working on geting better seeing a T or just hoping it will happen?
i know the pain sucks and the work is hard i feel for you but you must go on Title: Re: No Courage Post by: patientandclear on July 06, 2013, 12:43:25 PM Try to remember that the very fact that he can do this means it was neither what it seemed to be with you, nor is it what you imagine it to be with the new person. There is something else going on there. It is a performance for himself, if that makes any sense.
Sometimes the proof we need is staring us so big and bold in the face that we cannot even see it. He wants a simple answer. He hurried up and got one. Now what? It devastated me when my ex didn't feel compelled by the loss of our r/s, that he had said was so special and important, to dig in and do any meaningful work on his issues in relationships. He just went and got a new one. Right away. It was excruciating -- constant dreams about it, couldn't sleep, constant preoccupation about their happiness. Why would he make all these accommodations and changes to be with her, when all ("all" I was asking him was to look within & figure out why he implodes relationships? I spent months worrying about this. I was still worrying about it two months after he left her. (I did a really good job of no contact :) and had no idea they were over.) I know he is still looking for that perfect r/s where nothing will ever hurt or be scary. He will not find it, but he will continually divert himself with the possibility that it is right around the corner with some new woman. I'm sorry it's so hard, but I promise it doesn't mean what it feels to you like it means. Title: Re: No Courage Post by: seeking balance on July 06, 2013, 01:50:30 PM crystalclear,
hmmmm... . what you are calling courage, I actually see as being very self-aware. You know your triggers for pain and you are avoiding it until you are in a better emotional place to handle - actually, isn't it pretty courageous that you are leaning into the pain rather than avoiding, pretending it doesn't exist or numbing? I dunno - sounds like you are pretty courageous to me... . but, that just my opinion. Peace, SB |