BPDFamily.com

Hello all, I am reaching out after being away from the boards for quite some time.  I must brush up on the tools as I have stopped seeing counselor who has worked with me and my life with dBPDW.  The problem has been that she has been dysregulated for several days and I feel like I am in an emotional hole.  I am so worn out with battling the painful words, shielding my d3, and failing to validate her.  I have reached a level of resentment again, where I even resent validating her.  She has been literally destroying me at night, threatening to leave me, end it all, take the children, kicking me out, etc., and then telling me in the morning that I should know better she doesn't mean any of that - well, despite being a very grown man, she can reduce me to tears... . still to this day.  Tonight I am just sad, tired of the roller coaster, sad for my children, and longing for relationship normalcy.  I will more likely than not, walk up to her again in an hour or so, listen, validate, and make her feel better before she goes to sleep, but I imagine I will still be sad... . there is always the morning though.  :) Thanks for listening... .

Welcome back 

Resentment is natural and also a sign that we aren't taking care of our own needs. That we are putting someone else ahead of ourselves. Essentially, that we are loving someone else MORE than we love ourselves.

What is going on that she is destroying you at night?

What tools/skills are you trying to use when this happens?

It is the threats (which involve our d), and then the constant splitting is really tough.   Everything is still too believable, even after all these years.  The next morning is generally a different world for her though.  The tool that works best is affirmation (to be honest, the very best is for her to go to sleep), then the tidal wave of emotion is gone the next day.  Thanks for the response.

Affirmation? do you mean validation?