BPDFamily.com

Got into a huge fight with my uBPDgf today, so I'm just writing here to vent my frustrations/rage.

We exchanged a few sms's today before I was going out to get some things done and near the end of the conversation she casually ended up saying something rude that really insulted me. I didn't react at once on it, I acted a bit mean and then jolly and normally said goodbye, which she ignored. Afterwards I sent her an sms saying that I don't appreciate how she acts towards me at certain times. Just plain and simple. No further insults or whining or anything. She ignored this (and also ignored some calls to her that I made), but later during the evening when I arrived home I got the meanest, most ruthless email ever... . pretty much that I'm the most awful person alive, a disappointment, scum of the earth, not deserving of her attention, that I'm making her feel awful in addition to her doing extremely bad and that I'm not reacting at all to it, etc,etc, just the whole package. I just shortly replied to that saying that I didn't intend to cause such a reaction with my words, that I understand that she can feel this way now, but that I think that I don't deserve such words.

I guess my reply sucks when dealing with someone who might have BPD, but it's just so tiring sometimes to keep the composure. I feel drained and de-motivated completely, I'm trying to keep up the pace with the needs, but I can't at times. Sorry for the long post, just needed to spill this somewhere.

Yeah, it can really suck being the focus of someone's anger.

The even more painful truth is that it should be a given that our partners act as they do - after all, they are suffering from a serious mental illness.

Here in staying we keep the focus on finding solutions, not venting.

So what is your question?

Are you looking for someone to give advice?

Are you wondering what skill you could have used?

Are you trying to figure out what feelings were triggered in her?

I'd like to suggest that you read up on some of the communication techniques we use here - SET and DEARMAN (there are also others).  These tools are a great way to speak your truth (SET) or ask for something (DEARMAN) in ways that best reflect our intentions in a caring way.