BPDFamily.com

Good day, here is a quick run down - 4yrs ago my SO and i were in a fight, she accused my brother and i as being pedafiles - stupid me i called my brother to have him defend the accusation to her during the fight, well, what a stupid mistake on my part - my brother was in a custody battle over his daughter and didn't need to hear that crap so since then has had his back up against my SO. She has called me this and other crappy names for years, i guess i was just used to it.

Fast forward - he has full custody of his daughter and has remarried and has a good family life - he still will not talk to my SO and said that we were not welcome to come to her soccer game tonight because he cannot deal with even looking at my SO. I have talked to him about this issue in the past 2 yrs and i thought he was understanding my position, i guess not. Today was bad, i basically told him to have a good life, my 83 yr old mother is caught in the middle, she knows both sides and is torn, well, she sides with my brother. I am now pretty much isolated from family and friends, her plan of keeping me away from anyone who cares aboutme worked, i feel like crap, i am hurt confused and above all really really sad. I saw this coming and let it happen, i am pretty much a useless person, i live by fear of my SO and cannot get out of the situation. Sorry i just needed to vent a bit, my mom said, you seem to have a really lousy life right now and i feel sorry for you, i hope your life can get better in the future. Real great life  :'(  i wish i wasnt such  a loser, i give and give and all i get is pain.  I was talking to my SO about this and i was in tears and she was trying to turn it around and attack my mom and brother and say how they were blaming it all on her, and ended the conversation with saying she needs to have sex and she wishes she could give me a hug, real nice huh  Thsi is not the life i ever envisioned, and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!     

As the saying goes around here, nothing changes without changes.  It's hard to feel isolated from family, many members on this board are in that boat to some degree.

Please read our Lessons and start applying them to your life.  You aren't a loser.  We all came here, just like you, feeling pretty depressed and worthless.  Problems with my family also brought me here originally.  There is hope, real hope, for you to take back control over your life.  I highly recommend that you find a therapist to work with on an individual basis, for yourself.  Working with a good therapist and using the resources and support here are great places to start. 

My heart goes out to you, I've been there.  Please take charge of your life and start making some changes.  We're here for you.

Thank you for your note.

Day 2 today, took a prescribed sleeping pill for the first time in my life last night, slept all night for the 1st time in a very very long time. Before i get back into my family issues i have decided to try to strengthen myself first, yesterday i was totally exhausted and reacted emotionally, that is not like me, i am usually pretty logical, exhaustion and stress have a way of pushing logic away. Will see what today brings, one thing at a time.