BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

I've been kind of on a downward spiral and even posting online can be too much for me.  That's why I haven't been here for a while, but I lurk and read every single post. 

I came across this article earlier today.  www.wcyb.com/news/new-law-in-china-visit-your-parents/-/14590844/20797956/-/item/0/-/d8eqvi/-/index.html 

Long story short, in China, there's a new law that says that you need to help take care of your parents financially and spiritually when they're older.  That makes me wonder, though, what about kids with parents like ours?  If my mom became unable to take care of herself financially, I'd tell her where she could go to apply for benefits.  I got nothing from my parents when I turned 18. 

If you have an overbearing mom (I know that there are more types of family members out there, but I'm just using "mom" to keep it simple) and you live in China, or a society that's more family driven, or even a few centuries ago, what do you do with her?  The article's only point addressing the fact that someone may refuse to take care of their parents is that a child could be forced to pay an allowance to the parent.  Yet the article also mentions elsewhere that visits can be mandated.

What becomes of the abusive BPDm, or even the victims, in these societies?  If you're a child, how do you get out of your "obligation" to your parents if they harm you?  If there were no social welfare system (and it sounds as though in rural China, there isn't), would the BPDm starve to death? 

Are you attached to your abuser for life?

I am not from China - I'm from the US, but the law does not tie you to your abuser in the US. Most of us are tied to them by FOG. My mother is dead now, but for the last part of her life in the nursing home, I paid nothing (except in 08 when she was in trouble and I volunteered - stupid me).

Please don't think that the law would tie you to her - it just doesn't happen unless there are extenuating circumstances. And, don't let anyone guilt you into it either! If she absolutely ruined your life, like my mother did, she doesn't deserve your compassion - she had none for you.

There are programs out there in our state social service departments that would be glad to help her if she needed it. There is no reason for you to have this fear. I used to think the same thing - "OMG - what if she has to come live with me - I'll die!" Well, that never happened. Unless you have a durable power of attorney over her, you are not held responsible. She will become a ward of the court (at least that's what happened to me).

Hey Sasha!

Thanks so much for the reply.  I know I'm not responsible, legally or morally, and she won't be getting any support from me whatsoever.  But that article just got me thinking about what happens in other societies that are more family-oriented.  If I lived in a different society or a different time, would I be tied to her for life?  How do they take into account the fact that not all mothers are nurturing or loving, or at the bare minimum, safe? 

What would you do if the law said that you had to take care of your BPDm (financially and 'spiritually' for the rest of her life? 

I would show my mom exactly the same care and support that I received growing up.  I would likely end up in jail for the way I would treat her.