BPDFamily.com

As I have spent time on these boards, I have become more careful about my use of pronouns that dehumanize people.  Initially, applying the BPD label to my ex was very helpful because it put her identified the nature and source of the behavior.  It allowed me to start seeing things more accurately.  It also ultimately highlighted my unhealthy personality traits. 

As time goes on, however, using the terms "they" or "them" shapes ones perceptions that we are dealing with a monolithic force rather than a person.  The initial awareness of BPD is incredibly enlightening.  It can be a "key" that unlocks otherwise mysterious behaviors.  Sometimes people write about their interactions as though they are dealing with alien forces that occupy the body of their loved one. 

I know this is not news to people on this board.  I can think of many conversations about BPD being a spectrum disorder that affects people differently.  Also, there is much encouragement to respond to behaviors and traits rather than follow a drive for a diagnostic conclusion.  There is otherwise a need for the "aha" diagnosis from a professional to make sense of everything, as though the behaviors themselves were not adequate.  As I write this, I know this was true for me, and it was/is at least in part because my own self esteem and trust in my judgment had been eroded so dramatically.  My trust in my own intuition was so low that I really needed it to be validated  by the views of others.

Finally, the "them" and "us" terminology fosters a "healthy" vs "disordered" view of the world.  Again, this is initially a very important truth for many of us (myself included) to digest.  It is the beginning of a path to a new life.  However, it can also shield us from the areas of our own lives that become the primary response to all of this tumult.  And, of course, it is why Level 6 is called Personal Inventory!

Okay, just kind of thinking through my fingers here.  Thanks for reading!

Good finger thinking!  |iiii

What you say is very true.  We see a lot of the 'they' thoughts here, which as you mention, in the beginning can be helpful in understanding the disorder in a more objective way.

We actually have guidelines here where you might see us nudge others who use the 'they' term instead of talking about their specific experiences.  Overgeneralizing can be detrimental in working through ones personal issues - it can take the focus off of what we have the power to change - ourselves.