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Title: expecting second child with SOwBPD, in for a rollercoaster ride? Post by: ab1a on July 15, 2013, 11:18:21 AM Hello,
I am expecting my second child with my SOwBPD/NPD of 5 years. This came as a surprise and of course his reaction has been different depending upon the day. Yesterday he had the nerve to ask me via text if I would give up the baby for adoption. I told him that I was appalled he would ask such a thing (he is in the medical profession, and works with children, go figure). I then texted that I needed a "time out" and did not communicate yesterday despite his eventual text of he was sorry for being so insensitive and he will never bring it up again. I today texted using the SET communication tool. He has yet to respond, but I am just tired of dealing with his "flipping" as I call it. I do love him, but I fear a pregnancy of disappointments. My first pregnancy was planned and he was ecstatic at first, then he "flipped" and broke up with me through a text when I was 12 weeks along and I ended up in the hospital sick and dehydrated because I couldn't eat or drink from the shock of it all. He texted during that time "take care". But then he reappeared as he always does. And back and forth the whole pregnancy, even after our son was born. I want to be a Dad, no I don't, etc, and on and on, until he showed up at my doorstep one morning on his knees begging for forgiveness. I told him that I can not go through another pregnancy being treated as I was last time. He says he knows he can't run away and that he will try to be strong. I just feel like I live in constant fear. I know that I can manage on my own because he is not always there. He is very self-focused on his own anxieties about this pregnancy. He has to tell his oldest two sons who have threatened to cut off their relationship if he has any sort of relationship with me. (they blame me for their Mother and Dad not getting back together) and they also want nothing to do with our first child. My SO lives with his 85 year old Mother who is either NPD herself or BPD or both. I see where he gets it from. She too will be very upset by this announcement and he is panicking about telling her. It takes away from her time with him and I am a threat to her being "abandoned". I try to be understanding about all of this, bend over backwards and loads of sacrifices on my part. Looking for some words of encouragement that it can work? Am I placing a "demand" on him by saying he can't do to me what he did last time? Title: Re: expecting second child with SOwBPD, in for a rollercoaster ride? Post by: Scarlet Phoenix on July 15, 2013, 11:43:51 AM Hi again ab1a
Just wanted to welcome you here on the Staying board. It's great that you've started posting, we're behind you! Title: Re: expecting second child with SOwBPD, in for a rollercoaster ride? Post by: Grey Kitty on July 15, 2013, 11:04:32 PM Hello and welcome!
It sounds like quite a rough ride for you ahead. What can you put in place to support yourself emotionally or physically during this pregnancy that doesn't involve your SO? Are your parents or other friends supportive and nearby? GK |