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That's it really... .

Just feel stuck in the void even though people are around me... . my parents and kids. Parents don't really understand why I'm obsessing about an obviously destructive and selfish person. Kids must be protected from my pain as far as possible.

Just feel I screwed up three years of my life on this man yet without him in my life I am completely alone and maybe the suffering was better... .

He'll never come back and if he did there would be more abuse. I've got to just do this alone.

You are so strong. Be kind to yourself you deserve a real man.

Hang in there. I know how you feel. It has only been about a month since my exuBPD left. I know I never deserved the way she treated me, nobody deserves that. I can't help but feel extremely lonely, and feel that maybe I deserved to be in that kind of relationship. I was truley in love with her and I still love her, and it's tough knowing that she was never really in love with me the whole time we were together.

Just hang in there, have you seem a counselor or therapist? I started seeing one and it has helped me understand a lot, and has made me feel better.

Hey Delusion!

It's understandable that you would feel lonely despite the fact that the relationship was not a healthy one. It doesn't change the fact that you had a partner, you had a dream, and now, you must process all that's happened, and move on with your life. It's normal to grieve, it's part of the detachment stage!

That being said, what can you do for yourself, to feel better, and to feel like you are making forward steps on a healing path?

Have you rooted around on the site to learn more about what you can do?

Let's talk about it!

Best Wishes,

Val78

For me, the cure for lonliness was me.  Self talk, ok Delusional, what do you feel like doing today?  Finding things to do for you, that you like, lots of gentle self care is so helpful.  No one out there knows you like you.  Time to spoil yourself a bit.   

Tonights a lonely night for me. It helps that my ex has been sending me hate texts all night though.

Woke up feeling good, ex texted me and talked a bit throughout the day, 9 pm now and feeling pretty low... .

yipee

Delusional

So sorry to hear this! A big big 

Like others said: Be nice with yourself. Give yourself time.

And keep your life a bit busy. Do you have things you never did during your rs and you wanted do it? Perhaps a start could be in your home, like painting a wall or rearrange the furniture... . than learning something new... . New projects can be helpful.

I am feeling similarly about my wife or soon to be ex. It is particularly bad this week as we are meeting with our attorneys tomorrow and talking financial settlement issues. Talking to my attorney today we discussed some things that are scary for me, and the reality of divorce is hitting me harder than ever which means that deep loneliness. It does suck. So bad. I have to remind myself like you did for yourself that if she ever came back, and I took her back, it wouldn't change. It helps me through the loneliness in a weird way. Sorry to hear someone else feeling it too though.

Hey thisyoungdad

To add to stress I am also in a longwinded divorce process with my previous ex! (not BPD... . a nightmare, but looks like an angel compared to BPD ex... . )

I know exactly the loneliness you mean. I had to sign a deed today taking me off the deeds of our old house. It felt like another terrible loss and I mourned the much healthier relationship I had before BPD ex and that I am now completely  on my own, feel, old, unattractive and unable to survive alone.

I will survive alone though, I have to because I have my sons. But survival is not enough. For them I need to heal the terrible emotional damage that led me to BPD ex. that is so daunting and today I don't feel I can even begin it. To be honest I've felt a lot like suicide the last few weeks. But again, for my kids I stay here. It's just finding a real reason (other than them) to do so, that is the battle.

Delusional, a few words hit home for me right now as we actually made far more progress with the attorneys than I thought and she was far more generous on her own accord than I even would have imagined she would be, and in some cases would have thought up myself. It even seemed as genuine as she can be. We finalized the parenting plan, got that read to be filed in the upcoming weeks. Since we did the collaborative process, this was very close to the end for us and for me it brought up all that grief again. All that I lost, whether real or imagined, or am losing rather. I feel scared to be on my own. I was on my own for years before we were together, I was successful in the military. Then we got together, I got out and spent 3 years being a stay at home dad while the world went by. There is a huge difference when  you are a stay at home parent, your social network shrinks, you literally have no world outside of that. So it has been even more difficult for me because I feel so lost, a lot changed from when I joined the military 10 years ago and now when I am looking for work, have a kid and on my own as a "single" dad. It scares the crap out of me, I am afraid I won't survive or can't do it. Then I get SO lonely. I am glad you are hanging on for your kids sake. I hope you can find another reason as well. I am sorry it has been that tough for you.