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Title: Back after two years Post by: Chicken Soup on July 17, 2013, 08:58:35 PM Don't know why I took a break. I thought I was managing ok. But lately, my undiagnosed wife has been stirring things up.
Probably has something to do with our three teenage sons being under the same roof for summer break. And since teenagers have selective hearing, and sometimes don't care for what a parent thinks, conflict ensues. Mix in the daily challenges of life (work, housework, car problems), and her inconsistency and anger, it just wears a guy down. Some days my only hope is that my youngest son graduates from HS in 2018, and I can start divorce proceedings. My sons and I have a good relationship and quietly discussed what's going on with Mom. I have support - counselor and an AA group. I'll start by re-reading the suggested readings. Thanks for letting me share. Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: Clearmind on July 17, 2013, 09:50:19 PM Hi Chicken Soup - Is her anger justified or out of hand? Is she raging? What behaviors are concerning you?
Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: Chicken Soup on July 17, 2013, 10:34:14 PM I understand her justified anger. My sons sometimes do things that need correcting, and I parent with her.
It seems she never lets go of her anger. It's always just below the surface. I'm not sure how she'll react to something. Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: Clearmind on July 18, 2013, 08:37:55 PM Its the nature of BPD Chicken Soup - triggers are often hard to pick. How are you with boundaries when things flare up?
Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: ugghh on July 19, 2013, 04:04:08 PM I feel your angst. My uBPDw seems the same way, always looking for a reason for be angry about something. A misplaced dish, her 1 foot high pile of mail has fallen... . Doesn't matter what the cause, everyone in the family takes the heat.
Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: Chicken Soup on July 21, 2013, 08:32:30 PM Clearmind:
Time for me to brush up on setting boundaries. I need to re-read Chapter 7 of SWOE. I need to recall the ways I used to deal with her - quietly, firmly. I need to start setting boundaries again and stop feeding her insanity. About 10 years ago, we had a long on-going argument about having a fourth child. Finally, I recognized I didn't need to take the bait and get into a circular argument with her. I realized something was broken and I couldn't fix it. Neither would a fourth child. Ugghh, thanks for sharing. Title: Re: Back after two years Post by: Clearmind on July 23, 2013, 07:38:05 PM Boundaries Tools of Respect (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a120.htm)
Protecting Ourselves with Values and Boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=132527.0) Great book: Boundaries and Relationships by Charles Whittfield, M.D |