BPDFamily.com

So

Let's see.

My uBPD niece has estranged herself from the family who has helped her for the past five and a half years with her son. We of course adore this five year old, but we no longer have her permission to see him.

This is heartbreaking and depressing for me as I was a huge part of his life and even more devastating for my sister . his grandma.

So it has been quiet

No nasty texts

No raging

No blackmail

No palpitations

But sad for us and I'm sure for my nephew too, but he lives in the moment.

Its summertime . I work less hours. The days can feel long.

I take an anti depressant, and I try to fill my time with small things that bring my joy,cooking, words with friends, TV, friends,a jog, planning my movement program at the preschool where I work. That's all good. I never got a rush from the stress and drama she brought to our family.

Sadness though, but I'm not sitting around trying to plot ways to rectify this situation. All efforts have have only made things worse. Deals, taking a hard line, doing what she wants, consultimg a lawyer for advice,it all has led us nowhere.

My sisters therapist says she has never reached her lowest point

,and that may be key.Don't know.

Anyone out there experiencing a similar situation? I would love to here from you.

Hi, yehudis and  *welcome*

You are in the right place to find others who are dealing with a family member with BPD; everyone here will be able to identify with you and what you are feeling. I'm so sorry for the angst and pain you and your family are having to deal with... .

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Have you had a chance to poke around this site yet? If you go to the BOARDS tab in the horizontal blue bar right over your first post, it will take you to the Main Message Boards page which has every Message Board on this site. You can read and post wherever you would like; wherever you feel the best fit is. If you scroll down about 2/3 the page there, you will find The Learning Center with links to Workshops, Articles & Book Reviews that will be a big help... .

Please keep posting more of your story, and ask more questions so we can help you with this situation. Things can get better 

Hi yehudis,

Welcome back. I see you have been around here before and just wanted to add my welcome to Rapt Readers'.

Have you  or your sister seen this book:

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder by Valerie Porr (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128777.0)

This link may shed some light on what your sister may be able to do legally.

What is the story on "Grandparents' Rights?  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=145769.0)

Also, while you are waiting for your niece to get back in touch, which she hopefully will soon-- you can brush up on your validation skills:

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation)

Please feel free to post on the Supporting a Son/Daughter Board as you have in the past as well as the Healing Board.

We are here for you.


mamachelle

Hi

I'm back.

I didn't go and purchase the book "overcoming BPD", but I read the messages about it.

This is the dilemma. I acknowledge the fact that my sister has done damage over the years by dealing with my niece in a  less than compassionate ways at times, and she has not practiced radical acceptance.

My niece has wanted complete approval  and embracing of her abusive boyfriend.

She wanted complete acceptance of her decision to move closer to her ex so they could share the parenting and eliminate the family from her sons life.

Both of things my sister reacted to in ways that drove my niece away and made her more hostile than ever.

For a very brief time, I told my niece that I would help care for her son, and respect her decision to not let him see his grandmother, but I thought that was so wrong, that I allowed him to see her and stay at her house. You can imagine the abuse I received for making that decision.

As much as I love and miss my nephew and feel that she is making very poor decisions regarding his welfare, I can't as a moral person, promise to keep this boy from his loving grandmother in order to appease her and insure that I could see him.

My friends have been very supportive. They acknowledge the pain I feel due to the separation from my nephew, but they also see how we as a family have endured her repeated abuse, as to keep my nephew in our lives.

I honestly believe that she is so far gone and resourceful, that she may never seek mental health.

There are no easy answers here. If anyone can enlighten me by sharing a similar story, it would be great.