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Title: Where did I go? Post by: Wishful thinking on July 21, 2013, 03:36:45 PM Reading thru some of the lessons an workshops, it was astonishing to come to the realization of how far back Ive pushed my boundaries to accommodate BPD in my life. To keep the peace.
I really Just wanted to share this realization. After 2 years of marriage, I dont know who I am anymore. Ive lost my sense of self. 2 years ago if someone had done to me what he did, i wouldve taken my bags and go a long time ago. Yet persevering has done me more harm than good. And no matter how much i miss him (the good times) I dont wana go thru those bad times again. Im honest when i say i long for his touch. His embrace etc. Somewhere somehow i came to love this man. As im detaching, im overwhelmed with all these fears of new beginnings and new relationships. Im also wondering if these fears were always there as I cant rememb having them. But i do now and i feel so insecure within myself. On the other hand, Ive become so entangled with his identity (for lack of a better expression) that I forgot what I loved and who I wanted to be. I loved sports before I loved him. An its through this that we met. As im engaging in it again, I find myself slowly picking up the pieces of my lost identity. |