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1st day of the 2nd round of n/c. made it 32 day or so before she broke n/c and i jumped back in. i cant recall what it felt like the 1st day last time but wow it hurts today.

 I'm sorry simplyasiam. I know you've had a really horrible time with ex but not sure what prompted the recent contact?

Ex cut me totally dead, I hated it for a while thought I was dying, it really felt like that physically- but he did me a favour- the craving and pain are slowly wearing off, even though I still don't feel quite right. I stopped messaging him on 2 July; his last message to me (horrible) was on 17 June.

I think in 3 months I might even feel marginally sane. We will get there.

the contact can becouse she followed when driving till i stoped. i was a fool and talked to her that was a week ago friday last monday she started txting but saturday she needed me becouse of panic attacks by sunday missed me loved me but couldnt come home. its so hard to deal with. i told her we have moved on it needs to stay that way and that i wouldnt be calling or txting anymore.

she txt two more times last nite saying goodnite.

i really dont wanta be on the boared but being with her is not open to me.

That's incredibly strong of you simply. When ex told me he loved me and needed me I always crumbled. With the exact same awful results every time (and getting worse every time) until he eventually just cut me dead.

you know you've done the right thing for you. But it's going to hurt. 

one of hardest things ive ever done crushed my heart. i could she where she was leading me and i knew she just wanted to make sure i was still her for her.

i want to heal from this, i know i will at somepoint and i hope and pray that she will get help if nothing but for her kids.

thier life has went to hell and shes living same life there she was here its all going to repeat and her kids i rasied are stuck in this crap