BPDFamily.com

I havent posted for a while but heres a catch up on the madness which is now common place in my world. This weekend my almost ex H came to see the children with his girlfriend after not seeing them for 3 weeks because his girlfriend didnt have money to pay for petrol, yes he is dependent on a woman for money still not working. Well that was the least of my worries, this woman has done me a favour should give her a medal.

Anyways heres where the madness begins, remember my H had an affair four years ago with another woman, well he took his now girlfriend, wait for it... . to his ex girlfriends house to sleep over because they live more than 3 hours away. This woman that he had the affair with is mentally unstable and known to social services so not a place children should be. There was also verbal harrasment when he brought the kids back a 11pm! because my daughter said i said daddy loves you but he doesnt her attempt to get him to come home. The police had to be called the next morning when he refused to wait downstairs as i had asked via text the police officer even state his very animated.

So with all this i was forced to put in place supervised visitation at a local childrens centre at £45 per hour which i told him he must pay half of to which he replied he cant afford that remember not working living off the new girlfriend and is in crisis. Now i feel bad that my children have to suffer because he cant make adult choices or any choices for that matter. His in mental crisis and its showing badly. I know what im doing is right but it hurts to know that the open visitation i had thought would be there has to be taken away because he wants to be a child and do stupid childish things show off to his new girlfriend look i can mess with my wife haha and in his twisted mind also have two of his mistresses under the same roof!

In my area - No Fault state more or less - the courts aren't very concerned about adult behaviors, they seem to focus more on the parenting aspects such as substantive abuse, neglect or endangerment.  Only two other things I can think to write.

• It is what it is, accept it, deal with it as it is for what it is.



• Let him face his consequences, even if it's less time with the children, though get legal advice and guidance first in case family court might later rule your solutions are too drastic for the circumstances.

My kids didn't see their dad for 7 months while the court determined supervised visitation for them. Up until that point, there was no contact between BPD/Nxh and the kids.

BPD/Nxh was/is responsible for all costs associated with using supervision services.

It is up to your ex to find an alternative that he can afford. If the courts have decided that it needs to be that way for the safety and protection of your children, then that is how it has to be.

Would they be able to Skype their dad instead or use phone or letters?

Kids are very resilient. Explain to them that their dad needs some time alone to get some help to work on his anger/sadness/get a job, whatever it might be. It might open up a conversation with your kids about their fears too.

He skypes the kids every night unless like last week he was going out so he didnt skype or his internet is not working he doesnt have a great connection. And when he was insistant on revealing all to our daughter i made him text i wrote for her and told her what he was saying she never held the phone there were personal digs at me because he thought my daughter was texting. I also sit in the room when he skypes just incase he deciedes to say stuff not appropriate. Here in the uk you are allowed to put in such visitation if you deem your partner is putting your children at risk which he has done i wish with all my heart he could have free visitation but time and time again he has proven his going to use the children to get to me. The fact that he took my children to this ladies house knowing she is unstable was the last straw!

His verbal attacts on me infront of our daughter was disgusting and the fact that he will disregard anything i ask him shows his not in control of anything and that is dangerous. I also have no physical address for him which is another concern up until now things have been ok but stupid me thought i could trust him as he is was a great father guess i seem to only be remembering the good not the bad.

He wouldnt bath the kids unless i said so even then it was done with a huff, he taught them to used computers which they sat behind all day while he sat on his, he never looked for things for them to do in the area i did and he would again do it with a huff, our sons speech was delayed because he was in the house all the time after a trip to south africa and being with other people his speech took off!  now that it just me and we out like crazy his been discharged from speech and langauge therapy. His drinking again that is the most worrying of all his very very unpredicatable when he drinks and i know will get violent if annoyed. Bed time routines were never followed i had to nag to get him to read a story or enforce boundries for the kids. I even gained the nick name "the devil" he taught the kids that because it was up to me to put in boundries for the kids he had very little. Gave our son sweets through the day more a shut up and stop nagging to go out treat than a treat. When he was leaving he home he did it in front of the children they were falling apart and when our children asked why his leaving he actual said "mommy said i must leave" that ripped me apart because he did this and he was saying this to our daughter! shows no regard for anyone even his own flesh and blood.

His very influenced by people around him he takes on their personality and will do what ever it takes to please them or impress them. His all about personal image to others so will mirror behaviour he very low self esteem and cant be alone its his worst fear. Basically his like a child and plays very childish games the one his playing now is the "I love you" game he tells me he still loves me and tells the children the same thing that his still very much in love with mommie which was annoying but im learning to ignore his digs at me.

This is all a game to him which is disgusting because his playing with our childrens emotions and their future mental health all to get at me because like most BPD's he lays blame at my door for his life and the decisions his made which i know has nothing to do with me. I have to put the kids first thanks for the encouragement with your personal dealings with no contact or restricted contact its hard on the kids and is going tear me apart but it has to be done for them. I hope they understand later and i pray his behaviour doesnt hurt them in the future.

Just wish he would sort himself out before he losses all contact and my children suffer because of his stupid actions im so mad at the moment need to go meditate cant be like this its not healthy for me and especially for the children.