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Title: Advice Welcome - lessening the conflict between my BPDw and son Post by: 1002mbt on July 24, 2013, 12:07:29 PM Hello,
First, a big thank you for all of the incredible insights on this website. I am so happy I have finally figured out what is troubling my family and now I have some brilliant ways to help myself and my family make progress, hopefully!. My wife has both BPD and ADHD and my 13 year old son has ADHD and may indeed have BPD too. They constantly fight. The pattern is typically my wife gets upset about something that is frustrating her (e.g. him lying around all day doing nothing during the summer) and he then feels criticized and calls her derogatory names. Many times the situation is explosive because she is yelling, or he feels criticized in front of his "perfect" brother who he is jealous of, or because pre-agreed boundaries are not consistently enforced by her (e.g daily limits on electronics). My historic approach would have been to try and solve the problem for her, which never worked and I now know is enabling. Now I just ignore the interchange which I know does not help to improve things. I suggested to her that she goes to meet with his therapist and tries to do some sessions with my son to brainstorm how to get out of this terrible cycle of negative interaction. I am fearful of getting involved because I might go back to the old ways of codependent enabling. I would be very grateful for any suggestions! Many thanks! Title: Re: Advice Welcome - lessening the conflict between my BPDw and son Post by: bruceli on July 24, 2013, 02:01:45 PM DW has a S14 so I know the dynamic of which you speak. Have not figured it out either... . however... . what I have found is when W and S14 go at... . sometimes for days... . W and I usually form a unitd front... . atleast for awhile... . and the blackness gets lifted from me and put on S14. It becomes a short reprieve for me... . That's as far as I have gotten with this one... .
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